Adoption Information and process options

Ok, as promised, I will do the best I can to spell out all the information I received through the adoption lawyer from the AWAIT meeting. :)

Public (DSHS)
When DSHS is called into a situation where CPS have to take a child or children out of a home, they get taken right to a foster home.  They remain there for 2-3 months while their parent(s) get rehabilitated (or put into place a plan to get better).  This process can last up to a year-long, depending on how bad the problems were at home.  If the parents cannot succeed in completing the program to get their child(ren) back, then their parental rights are terminated, and the child(ren) are legally considered adoptable.

They can also be legally "free" for adoption if CPS finds the child(ren) in a grossly negative/bad environment.

If one wanted to adopt through this option, everything would be free (except for court and lawyer fees).  The home study and paper work and foster license would also be free.  One would also need to take special classes to become certified.

Now...there is another track one can take while going through Public adoption.  They can do a Foster to adopt.  Most Foster homes don't want the option to adopt, they just want to be an available home for children for a few months at a time. With foster to adopt, the child could be placed with you, and then taken away, because it is not for certain that that child will become "legally free".

Sometimes when the state doesn't have the time/resource to properly over see an adoption or manpower to do so, they "contract out" to a private agency.  In this scenario, it is often times a faster way to adopt.  Through this process the private agency handles the home studies and the DSHS would work on Foster License part.  It is still unclear to me whether or not this option would be free like it would be if one went through the public agency.

After parents right have been terminated there is a legal process that must be followed and a court hearing/court adoption ceremony as well.

One thing to note, if one does go through DSHS for adoption, and after having the home study done, decides they no longer wish to go with DSHS as an option, they cannot take their home study with them..  They would need to get it done all over again.

Another note, if a child in the DSHS system is "legally free", one does not have to have a foster license, they only need a home study.

If you adopt through this route, you will get a monthly stipend from the state, as well as medical until the child is 18 years old.

You would still qualify for the full adoption tax refund.

Private Agency (30-40% of adoptions are through this method)
People who are handling the adoption process in a private agency may be more accessible than a DSHS worker.  These adoption counselors are more available to walk you through the process.  Usually when you go to a private agency there is a standard set of steps for every one:
-Orientation
-Home Study
-Photo Album
-Match up with birth mom ------> Mom chooses you as a couple
-Once you are picked, paper work to terminate her rights are drawn up, together with your lawyer.  In Washington, birth mothers may sign to terminate their parental rights before the baby is born.  However, those papers cannot be filed in court until a full 48 hours after a baby is born.  This may be dicey if a baby is born on a Thursday Night or Friday Night, as the lawyer could not file this petition until Monday.  Even a Wednesday Night after 5pm would be bad, since they could not file until 5pm on Friday, and by then the courts are closed for the weekend.  What an adoptive parent/couple can get is a temporary custody order, and the baby can go home with them as soon as they child is discharged from the hospital.  However, there are times when the adoptive mother changes their mind over the weekend and/or grandparents want to step in and help raise the child.  Even though grandparents have not rights to the baby in this state, they can be a heavy factor to deal with for the birth mother.  If the birth mother decides she wants to keep the baby, the baby must be taken back immediately from the potential adoptive parents and placed back into mom's custody.  If this happens, the adoptive parents go right back into the waiting pool.

The birth father is another obstacle on the way to parenthood.  If the birth mother does not know who the father is, or is estranged from the father- there must be a public announcement made in a local newspaper to invite the father to come to a court hearing if they do not want their parental rights terminated.  Often times the fathers do not come, and therefore it is assumed the father does not have any objections to the child getting adopted by another family.

Mothers who choose a private agency are giving their child up for adoption voluntarily, where as with DSHS, it is not always the case 99.9% of the time.

Costs for agency adoptions can be expensive...When Matt and I inquired through Catholic Community Services, it would be $20k (home study alone was $3,000!)  Most agencies I've seen charge between $500 and $1500 for a home study.

The adoptive parent(s) would NOT receive a monthly stipend or medical if adopted through a private agency.

Private/Non-agency (60%-70% of adoptions are through this route)


Through private/non-agency adoptions, birth parent(s) are usually giving their child up voluntarily.
In this route, you are out on your own trying to find a child through any means necessary.  Sometimes this means going online and looking at state adoption exchange websites, or placing your family profile up on perspective parents website for mothers to find and choose you.

Others in the support group we are beginning to attend began with a private agency (to get their home study done) and eventually did their own search as well.  They made flyers and videos and e-mailed and mailed letters out to their friends, family members, clergy, doctors, hair stylists, etc.  From that, two people were able to find their infants.  Sometimes the adoptive parent must go to another state, but it's all worth it in the end. :)

More often than not, the websites that host adoptive parent profiles are hard to catch birth mothers on because one can never be so sure about what is being presented on the internet.  But if someone says to a birth mother, I now my cousin's, friend's, neighbor is looking to adopt someone, even if they have never directly met, that connection and word of mouth, can go a long way.


Other Info:
- Home Study: A lot goes into a home study.  Everything from birth records, wedding certificate and clean bills of health from the doctor.  As well as an actual home evaluation and review of finances and reference letters, etc.

-After a child has been placed in a home, someone will come by within 3 months to do a post-placement report.  They may check in from time to time every 6 months thereafter.

-A lot of times birth moms would like to have updates on the child they have given up for adoption.  The degree of "openness" is up to you.  You can agree to many different things, from setting up a blog site like this where you can post updates and pictures, or something like a photobucket account.  You can also set when you will up date her.  Others have no problem with having the birth mom be part of the family.  Another option, and I think this is something I'd like to do (Haven't really talked it over with Matt yet), but I'd like to leave it up to the mom; if she would like updates on her child, she will have to be the one to inquire about it through a special e-mail I will have set up.

-There are grants out there to help with adoption costs, however, in most cases, the home study has to be done... This will be hard for us, since just getting the home study will be a financial burden!  Argh... (Unless we go through DSHS, and we usually won't get much of a choice that way of the age we will get)

Here are some ideas:
-kickstarter.com
-helpusadopt.org
just look up adoption grants on google, and you should be able to find some help.


Matt and I still haven't fully decided what we are doing yet, we are going to an info meeting for a private-agency in the beginning of June.  I feel stuck and overwhelmed with all the possibilities and challenges...and yet I am optimistic and excited for what will be in store for us.  And yet, I am scared of the very real possibility that this will be a long road of heartbreak- but we will never know until we try...

Some Good Information

Hello Y'all, 
I hope everyone is doing well out there in internet-land. hah!


Earlier this week, Matt and I had the opportunity to join an adoption support group that meets once a month.  I can't help but feel that God has led us to this group in the most unassuming way.  It all began when I was talking with a fellow youth leader at church, and I she knew that we were looking to adopt, but Catholic Community Services was way too much.  She had said a fellow parishioner had come by earlier in the week and brought her newly adopted son in to meet everyone.  Well, she put me in contact with this individual, and we exchanged a few e-mails.  It just so happened that this woman attended the same mass one Sunday, and she approached me and asked me if I'd like to come to their adoption support group meeting that meets once a month.


Matt and I decided to attend Monday's meeting, and we are so happy we did.  There are 3 other couples/parties who are looking to adopt right now- all through different means.  The two facilitators have both recently adopted little ones and the guest speaker for the night was one of Seattle's top adoption lawyers.  I was sure to take thorough notes during that meeting! lol 


We are so ready for a little one, and yet I am so lost as to how to begin the adoption process.  The people at the support group were great, and so helpful, and it's awesome they are all in different steps of the process...But for us right now, it's really a money thing.  I know there are places out there that will give you grants, and yes, there is a $12k + tax credit, but that's after you have paid out of pocket.  The first thing we need to have done is a home-study and that runs $500-1500 (and in Catholic Community Services case, 3k)... I then worry about our other responsibilities and bills...and I feel panicked.  How are we ever going to afford adoption, if we keep getting setbacks in other areas...Then I feel guilty for wanting to go on a vacation or if I buy something new, because that was something that could be saved towards bills or adoption...Then I heard my mom's voice, which she's told me on many occasions, "If you really wanted something, you would do everything in your power to get it, and not spend the money,"  So then I feel guilty even more...and it becomes one vicious cycle.  Sometimes being a grown up is difficult! LOL.  


I have to get going, but in my next post, I will post the notes from the adoption meeting in case anyone is interested in the adoption process/options in WA state.


Until then....

I heard this powerful song for the first time today...it's so emotional, and hopeful at the same time.  I'm glad I found it.  I pray for all of those out there who are struggling through trying to conceive.  And I pray also for those that do conceive, that no matter what the situation, they truly know what they have growing inside of them...that that little life will bring them so much joy and love- even through the tough times.


I want to tell my family thank you for a wonderful Mother's Day.  I didn't expect to get cards and gifts; but I did.  I'm really excited for a necklace my brother and sister in law got me.  Its a necklace with our angel baby's name on it, 'Aldora'.  Even though I am a mom, it's still hard for me to feel like I deserve or even get to partake in "mothers day" things, because I'm not an earthly mom...I still feel like it's not something for me yet.  But like our priest said during mass, we are moms as well, and it doesn't take away from mom's who have "living" kiddos on earth.  I'm paraphrasing a lot...but that was the gist of it.


I've recently started following the Creighton Method of NFP...I'm interested in seeing what NaPro technology can do for me, and this is part of that whole process.  I like that the Creighton model looks at the signs and can pin point exactly what may be going on, and then fix what they can...instead of trying to put a band-aid on it or treat it with meds that don't really address anything. So far I've followed it for a month, and just had my first check in with my fertility counselor/adviser. I look forward to seeing what everything will look like in a couple of months, and maybe get some different help than what I've been receiving so far.


Other than that, I have been trying to not get sick.... I've been keeping a cold at bay for the past few days, and I think today it's finally caught up, but I believe that if I keep resting, I will be good tomorrow.  There's just been so much going on in my life as of late, that I haven't been taking very good care of myself.

On another front, if I am feeling well, tomorrow, Matt and I are going to a support group for parents who are wanting to adopt.  An adoption lawyer will be present and will answer questions people may have about the process.  I know adoption isn't "free", but I am hoping for some good news.  On the 5th of June we are meeting with another placement agency to see what their steps are for adoption.

I hope all are well.