Don't get me wrong, I love God and everything he has given us... I am thankful for the roof over our head, and warm bed to sleep in at night... but sometimes I wish the waves of uncertainty and stress would quit crashing into my boat. I need some calm waters... I'm constantly putting fire after fire out, with little to no rest in between... Sometimes it just gets to be too much. I can't wait till we can file for taxes (both of my W-2s are taking their sweet time to get to me) and we can get some $ to pay off one of my credit cards and be back on track for our house!
I know there are great plans for us, I just wish it would hurry up sometimes. I'm frustrated because until things happen, everything is up in the air for us. Our lease is up at the end of March, but our landlord will not let us know what his plans our until the end of February... we have two households in this one house... we need time to find another place... if worse comes to worse, I guess we will throw a bunch of stuff in storage and then rent a small apartment for a little while...but that could prove even more stressful in the end. I don't know. I guess all I can do is trust.
For now, active treatment for operation baby has been suspended...meaning I'm not taking any more meds or going to get ultrasounds for it right now. If something happens in the mean time that's great! I actually had my period normally this last cycle.. it was awesome! This month will be the real proof though, as I have had no meds at all (not even ones to make me ovulate). We shall see... :)
I'm also throwing myself into planning things for our church youth group... I love it! We had a great night last night (our priest got us a projector so we can finally show movies and clips on the wall. yay!) and the teens were very involved. I'm planning an "insanity" night for the teens as well...Matt and I will be so tired after the all nighter, but it should be fun. Swimming, bouncing on inflatable toys and then rock n' bowl, and finally movies and games at a parishioners house.
TTFN
Monday, January 31, 2011
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
To Chicago and Back
This past weekend, the husband of one of my friend's flew me out to Chicago to surprise her for her birthday. It was awesome! Very cold, but still very awesome (notice I"m not using the word 'cool' here?) :)
Anywho, she arrived home from work on Friday night and was talking to her hubby in the hallway as he walked back into the living room where I was sitting... and in mid sentence she looks at me and every so nonchalantly said, "Well HI!" almost as if she expected me to be there (which she didn't)...but it was kinda funny. I think we were both still in a little shock that I was there. The weekend was spent being spoiled by them (by the way, wasn't it supposed to be my friend that got spoiled?) we ate nummy food, and saw the Art Institute of Chicago (very extensive art museum), and watched the Bears lose, Field Museum (where Sue the T-Rex lives), saw one of my other friends in a play and later met up with her and met her hubby all while celebrating my friend Katie's birthday! yay! There was a lot of walking, a lot of bus riding and subway riding ooo and I went to mass at this really pretty cathedral called Holy Names. Oh and how could I forget! We went up to the top of Sears tower too, although it's not called Sears tower anymore... it's the Willis Tower b/c that company bought the building and decided to rename it... bah! Bloody English and their ill regard for preserving names of history (of course I'm joking).
But after getting up at a fairly descent hour every morning in Chicago (between 8 and 9 their time and 6 and 7 for my clock), and going to bed late (between 11:30 and 1am) I am one pooped lady...
The plane ride on the way back home was quite interesting... the plane was set to take off at 11:40am, which means that passengers board at 11am. Just as we are pulling away from the gate (as the safety video is playing), the power to the plane and air shuts off... Captain comes on and lets us know that the power has failed and that the Aux. engine also isn't working... (GREAT! What more can we add to a plane that had to already be de-iced twice in the snow! Oh I KNOW>>>) So he lets us know it will be 30 min before we can back from the gate b/c the mechanics need to take a look at stuff and then fill out paper work... Ok, so after that is done, we are all buckled up and ready to push off from the gate once more... and wait for it wait for it... NOTHING! Plane goes dead again... (at this point I'm getting a little nervous, I was doing so well too) Captain comes back on over the loudspeaker to tell us that one of the fuel pumps has failed and that it has to do with the original problem we experienced...but not to worry b/c we can fly with all that stuff that went wrong without a worry... (ugh, okay, so I'm thinking he can still fly without any power to the plane? What happens at 36,000 feet up in the sky?) Then he lets us know that there are actually 6 fuel pumps on the plane so the other 5 could take over... feeling a little better I settle down in my seat... a little more than an hour after we were originally supposed to take off, we do... and we were about 1 hr and 10 min late getting back home..but I sure am glad to be home... for the most part.
I love that I feel like I had a vacation...I was spoiled, I even got dirty looks if I tried to load dishes in the dishwasher! Lets just say I came home to a lot of frustrations... ah life stepping back up to kick me as soon as I get home... lovely. Lets see how this new drama plays out shall we?
Till next time... Grab a cup of cocoa and snuggle with your favorite blankie while reading a good book.
Anywho, she arrived home from work on Friday night and was talking to her hubby in the hallway as he walked back into the living room where I was sitting... and in mid sentence she looks at me and every so nonchalantly said, "Well HI!" almost as if she expected me to be there (which she didn't)...but it was kinda funny. I think we were both still in a little shock that I was there. The weekend was spent being spoiled by them (by the way, wasn't it supposed to be my friend that got spoiled?) we ate nummy food, and saw the Art Institute of Chicago (very extensive art museum), and watched the Bears lose, Field Museum (where Sue the T-Rex lives), saw one of my other friends in a play and later met up with her and met her hubby all while celebrating my friend Katie's birthday! yay! There was a lot of walking, a lot of bus riding and subway riding ooo and I went to mass at this really pretty cathedral called Holy Names. Oh and how could I forget! We went up to the top of Sears tower too, although it's not called Sears tower anymore... it's the Willis Tower b/c that company bought the building and decided to rename it... bah! Bloody English and their ill regard for preserving names of history (of course I'm joking).
But after getting up at a fairly descent hour every morning in Chicago (between 8 and 9 their time and 6 and 7 for my clock), and going to bed late (between 11:30 and 1am) I am one pooped lady...
The plane ride on the way back home was quite interesting... the plane was set to take off at 11:40am, which means that passengers board at 11am. Just as we are pulling away from the gate (as the safety video is playing), the power to the plane and air shuts off... Captain comes on and lets us know that the power has failed and that the Aux. engine also isn't working... (GREAT! What more can we add to a plane that had to already be de-iced twice in the snow! Oh I KNOW>>>) So he lets us know it will be 30 min before we can back from the gate b/c the mechanics need to take a look at stuff and then fill out paper work... Ok, so after that is done, we are all buckled up and ready to push off from the gate once more... and wait for it wait for it... NOTHING! Plane goes dead again... (at this point I'm getting a little nervous, I was doing so well too) Captain comes back on over the loudspeaker to tell us that one of the fuel pumps has failed and that it has to do with the original problem we experienced...but not to worry b/c we can fly with all that stuff that went wrong without a worry... (ugh, okay, so I'm thinking he can still fly without any power to the plane? What happens at 36,000 feet up in the sky?) Then he lets us know that there are actually 6 fuel pumps on the plane so the other 5 could take over... feeling a little better I settle down in my seat... a little more than an hour after we were originally supposed to take off, we do... and we were about 1 hr and 10 min late getting back home..but I sure am glad to be home... for the most part.
I love that I feel like I had a vacation...I was spoiled, I even got dirty looks if I tried to load dishes in the dishwasher! Lets just say I came home to a lot of frustrations... ah life stepping back up to kick me as soon as I get home... lovely. Lets see how this new drama plays out shall we?
Till next time... Grab a cup of cocoa and snuggle with your favorite blankie while reading a good book.
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
So, Today was a Little Better...
So today wound up being better than yesterday... turns out that if I pay my bill by the 17th... then it won't be considered late, even though Dec. and Jan. payment are on it... My credit still dropped 6 pts, but after I pay a little on it on Friday, I will only have $800 on the Bridal card... We just won't be able to buy a place and move into it by April... But that is a good number to work with, especially since I will be getting regular sized paychecks again by the end of February... It's just a waiting game until then... All I know is that our lives are really going to change a lot this year... hopefully for the better.
We will also postpone treatment for my infertility for the time being... If I wind up getting pregnant anyways, then great! But until we can get financial things squared away, that $200/month for that would be better used to pay down the card and go towards other things.
In other news I have a job interview on Friday evening with Huntington Learning Center to do tutoring... hopefully it will go well.
That's it for now!
New Year, New Adventures
So, this year has not exactly started off the way we would have hoped it would... As the new year rang in on the 1st we had such hopes for the new year, and things are already starting to unravel... although hopefully it is just a quick setback... What am I talking about you ask?
Well, Matt and I got approved for a house loan and were actively looking. Our lease is up at our house at the end of March, and we don't think our landlord is going to renew (as I am pretty sure they either want to move back in or put the house on the market). Which is fine, but we won't find out until the end of February what their plan is! We also need to find a place that is big enough to have my mom with us as well...
After several weeks of looking, it seemed as if we found a place to buy! To actually buy... a home of our own where no one could tell us how to take care of our house... We found not our perfect home, but one that was pretty darn near close to it... we signed papers on Sunday, but they couldn't be submitted until our approval letter for our loan was checked again...
Today we found out that my credit score went down, and are no longer illegible because of one bill that hasn't been paid that was due in Dec. The reason that bill couldn't be paid was because I had 4 sub jobs get cancelled on me due to snow...If the schools are closed, subs don't get paid... Therefore my paycheck was hardly anything... and we went to Florida, which was fun, but looking back some parts of me wishes we never would have went b/c we wouldn't be in the situation we are in now... The money we were planning on having was slashed by a lot. It's been really tough since we've been back money wise and I can't wait for Matt to get paid on Friday so we can get some food in the house! It's just this time of year is always tough money wise because of winter break and then mid-winter break happens in February.
So... back to the story, we have lost our finance for right now b/c my credit score went down 6pts... We were told that once I paid off the credit card I was late on, then we would be more than fine because it would raise my credit score 12 pts. The kicker is that the balance is under 1k, and the payment isn't even one month late yet... But with how things are going, this card will still take time to pay off... more than the two months we have before we have to move... so it's unbelievably frustrating... and I can't help but feel like it's my fault... I'm letting everyone down- even though deep down I know that's not really the case.
Matt has been very supportive... and even though I do the best I can with sub jobs, I never feel like it's enough... like I'm failing my family somehow b/c I can't provide for all that is needed. I just feel tired and overrun sometimes... like I'm just spinning my wheels. I'm trying to find another job or try and find odd jobs to supplement stuff... sometimes, even though teaching is my true passion and first love; I want to give it all up... and get an office job somewhere and finally become a grown up. At least it would be something stable... I have never had a "real" job... I'm almost 30 years old... Until I can prove myself with viable employment, I will still feel like a teenager or some lost person in their early 20s who has no direction...I don't know what to do. If I had something steady it would mean the difference between just scraping by with a little extra to making it, and making it and being able to put some money aside or being able to afford a little extra... At the same time, if I gave up teaching right now, it would hurt my chances of getting hired back on into subbing even...
I do know that I am blessed, and a lot better off than a lot of people... I just feel like I don't have ground to stand on ,and not enough time to do the things that need to be done before we have to move.
In a way it all ties into not being able to conceive either... I feel like I get so many "no's" or "can'ts" in my life... I know it's all to test my patience and trust that things will get better and God will see us through, but sometimes I'm just tired of being tested. I know I am a good teacher, I know people like me, I know I am a good wife, I know I am a good friend and I know I will be a good mother... but the two things I want to be the most, I can't do... I keep being told 'no'. I do have moments where I am shown great kindness and I have been blessed beyond measure... but sometimes it would be nice to have a 6 month stretch where it was more smooth sailing, where not even all things went well...but maybe half of the time would be nice.
Ok, I suppose I should stop my rant here... I know it's just where I am right now and things look bleak. They will look better...it's just frustrating to come off of a stressful holiday season/trip and then add this too... And this past week has been especially hard in a lot of ways due to some other things as well... I hope you are having a great start to the new year.
This too shall pass...
Well, Matt and I got approved for a house loan and were actively looking. Our lease is up at our house at the end of March, and we don't think our landlord is going to renew (as I am pretty sure they either want to move back in or put the house on the market). Which is fine, but we won't find out until the end of February what their plan is! We also need to find a place that is big enough to have my mom with us as well...
After several weeks of looking, it seemed as if we found a place to buy! To actually buy... a home of our own where no one could tell us how to take care of our house... We found not our perfect home, but one that was pretty darn near close to it... we signed papers on Sunday, but they couldn't be submitted until our approval letter for our loan was checked again...
Today we found out that my credit score went down, and are no longer illegible because of one bill that hasn't been paid that was due in Dec. The reason that bill couldn't be paid was because I had 4 sub jobs get cancelled on me due to snow...If the schools are closed, subs don't get paid... Therefore my paycheck was hardly anything... and we went to Florida, which was fun, but looking back some parts of me wishes we never would have went b/c we wouldn't be in the situation we are in now... The money we were planning on having was slashed by a lot. It's been really tough since we've been back money wise and I can't wait for Matt to get paid on Friday so we can get some food in the house! It's just this time of year is always tough money wise because of winter break and then mid-winter break happens in February.
So... back to the story, we have lost our finance for right now b/c my credit score went down 6pts... We were told that once I paid off the credit card I was late on, then we would be more than fine because it would raise my credit score 12 pts. The kicker is that the balance is under 1k, and the payment isn't even one month late yet... But with how things are going, this card will still take time to pay off... more than the two months we have before we have to move... so it's unbelievably frustrating... and I can't help but feel like it's my fault... I'm letting everyone down- even though deep down I know that's not really the case.
Matt has been very supportive... and even though I do the best I can with sub jobs, I never feel like it's enough... like I'm failing my family somehow b/c I can't provide for all that is needed. I just feel tired and overrun sometimes... like I'm just spinning my wheels. I'm trying to find another job or try and find odd jobs to supplement stuff... sometimes, even though teaching is my true passion and first love; I want to give it all up... and get an office job somewhere and finally become a grown up. At least it would be something stable... I have never had a "real" job... I'm almost 30 years old... Until I can prove myself with viable employment, I will still feel like a teenager or some lost person in their early 20s who has no direction...I don't know what to do. If I had something steady it would mean the difference between just scraping by with a little extra to making it, and making it and being able to put some money aside or being able to afford a little extra... At the same time, if I gave up teaching right now, it would hurt my chances of getting hired back on into subbing even...
I do know that I am blessed, and a lot better off than a lot of people... I just feel like I don't have ground to stand on ,and not enough time to do the things that need to be done before we have to move.
In a way it all ties into not being able to conceive either... I feel like I get so many "no's" or "can'ts" in my life... I know it's all to test my patience and trust that things will get better and God will see us through, but sometimes I'm just tired of being tested. I know I am a good teacher, I know people like me, I know I am a good wife, I know I am a good friend and I know I will be a good mother... but the two things I want to be the most, I can't do... I keep being told 'no'. I do have moments where I am shown great kindness and I have been blessed beyond measure... but sometimes it would be nice to have a 6 month stretch where it was more smooth sailing, where not even all things went well...but maybe half of the time would be nice.
Ok, I suppose I should stop my rant here... I know it's just where I am right now and things look bleak. They will look better...it's just frustrating to come off of a stressful holiday season/trip and then add this too... And this past week has been especially hard in a lot of ways due to some other things as well... I hope you are having a great start to the new year.
This too shall pass...
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