Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Thursday, November 17, 2011
Oh Lord give me strength!
It's been another tough week...but it's times like these I am so thankful that God has made me a strong woman. Even right now when I am fighting off going crazy with my long list of things to do...I am making myself take time to write, because it's something that helps me stay calm, collected and cool...although I don't know how cool I am. :)
So last weekend we got to take care of my awesome niece and nephew! Every time I see them I am constantly amazed by how much they have grown and how grown up they have become. Sometimes my niece can drive me crazy when she doesn't answer me when I'm trying to correct her and when she doesn't realize she is being rude....I don't think she means too...it's just how she is, it's her "age"...on more than one occasion I found myself sounding like my mom when she would talk to me when I was a pre-teen/teenager. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." I kept saying over and over... I kept trying to teach her that what she has to say is important, but you don't have to be rude or hurt someone's feelings by the way you say it... the hard thing for her especially is because my nephew is 3...and he's a smart, very bright and cute 3 yr old, but he does 3 yr old things....but my niece doesn't always have patience for that and sometimes can get short with him when he accidently bumps into her while she is drawing or makes weird noises and doesn't stop after the first 5 times of asking him to stop...he's all boy and he's a 3 yr old and a younger brother...he's doing what he's supposed to. :)
But they really are great kiddos, very well mannered, and are so self sufficient, I kept trying to find ways that I could help them... LOL...My niece finally likes to sit down and learn new games and we played a lot, and I mean A LOT of UNO this weekend...I love UNO!
So what does this have to do with the strength God gave me? Nothing much...the hard part wasn't taking care of the kiddos...the hard part was being sick and doing house work and taking care of a sick husband... This week has also bee jammed back with I dunno...all I know is that after 10pm tomorrow night my week will finally be over and I will be enjoying a 2 hour spa treatment on Monday! *I love gift certificates*
This week I worked every day (except Monday) teaching, last night I was part of a holiday shopping fair where consultants from a bunch of different companies came...too bad no customers came... one of the fellow consultants bought $2.75 worth of stuff from me LOL...but I spent so much time stressing out about the display and making my recipe sample and getting stuck in traffic for an hour when it should've taken me 20 min to get there...but it was good exposure...and tomorrow night I have another show, my launch party...
Oh...did I not mention that I started my own business as a Pampered Chef consultant? I may have, I can't remember...honestly my brain is mush right now...to prove my point, I showed up at my sub job today wearing two different pairs of shoes...totally embarrassing, hopefully no one noticed. So in order to help my family out, I have joined my aunt's Pampered Chef team... It's been tough finding people to book shows...especially during this holiday time... I have to have at least 6 shows by Dec. 15th...and I'm scared I won't make it. I'm not quite sure what the "penalty" will be...but I can't afford it if there is one. I already have a show booked for January and interest from several others for January...which is great! It just won't help with bills now and getting the numbers I need. I really am hoping people will want to book a show with me tomorrow at my open house/launch party.
So yea, I've added more to my plate and probably have shot myself in the foot, but it's needed if I can get the bookings...it will help my family out a lot and I don't have to give up teaching, which is the big thing.
As far as baby stuff...I got the shot and am all ready to go, but now Matt is sick...he has Pneumonia and it's "go time"...and well...that won't be happening...I will have to stay patient.
Hope y'all are doing well...and I hope I have the strength to get this house whipped into shape for tomorrow night and not be dead tired for the kiddos tomorrow! Wish me luck!
So last weekend we got to take care of my awesome niece and nephew! Every time I see them I am constantly amazed by how much they have grown and how grown up they have become. Sometimes my niece can drive me crazy when she doesn't answer me when I'm trying to correct her and when she doesn't realize she is being rude....I don't think she means too...it's just how she is, it's her "age"...on more than one occasion I found myself sounding like my mom when she would talk to me when I was a pre-teen/teenager. "It's not what you say, it's how you say it." I kept saying over and over... I kept trying to teach her that what she has to say is important, but you don't have to be rude or hurt someone's feelings by the way you say it... the hard thing for her especially is because my nephew is 3...and he's a smart, very bright and cute 3 yr old, but he does 3 yr old things....but my niece doesn't always have patience for that and sometimes can get short with him when he accidently bumps into her while she is drawing or makes weird noises and doesn't stop after the first 5 times of asking him to stop...he's all boy and he's a 3 yr old and a younger brother...he's doing what he's supposed to. :)
But they really are great kiddos, very well mannered, and are so self sufficient, I kept trying to find ways that I could help them... LOL...My niece finally likes to sit down and learn new games and we played a lot, and I mean A LOT of UNO this weekend...I love UNO!
So what does this have to do with the strength God gave me? Nothing much...the hard part wasn't taking care of the kiddos...the hard part was being sick and doing house work and taking care of a sick husband... This week has also bee jammed back with I dunno...all I know is that after 10pm tomorrow night my week will finally be over and I will be enjoying a 2 hour spa treatment on Monday! *I love gift certificates*
This week I worked every day (except Monday) teaching, last night I was part of a holiday shopping fair where consultants from a bunch of different companies came...too bad no customers came... one of the fellow consultants bought $2.75 worth of stuff from me LOL...but I spent so much time stressing out about the display and making my recipe sample and getting stuck in traffic for an hour when it should've taken me 20 min to get there...but it was good exposure...and tomorrow night I have another show, my launch party...
Oh...did I not mention that I started my own business as a Pampered Chef consultant? I may have, I can't remember...honestly my brain is mush right now...to prove my point, I showed up at my sub job today wearing two different pairs of shoes...totally embarrassing, hopefully no one noticed. So in order to help my family out, I have joined my aunt's Pampered Chef team... It's been tough finding people to book shows...especially during this holiday time... I have to have at least 6 shows by Dec. 15th...and I'm scared I won't make it. I'm not quite sure what the "penalty" will be...but I can't afford it if there is one. I already have a show booked for January and interest from several others for January...which is great! It just won't help with bills now and getting the numbers I need. I really am hoping people will want to book a show with me tomorrow at my open house/launch party.
So yea, I've added more to my plate and probably have shot myself in the foot, but it's needed if I can get the bookings...it will help my family out a lot and I don't have to give up teaching, which is the big thing.
As far as baby stuff...I got the shot and am all ready to go, but now Matt is sick...he has Pneumonia and it's "go time"...and well...that won't be happening...I will have to stay patient.
Hope y'all are doing well...and I hope I have the strength to get this house whipped into shape for tomorrow night and not be dead tired for the kiddos tomorrow! Wish me luck!
Friday, November 11, 2011
Life and Death
This year has been one for the books in term of births and deaths in our life...I know death is inevitable, but this year especially, I have become really aware at how close some people in my life are to the end of their lives...and I wish I had more time or money to spend with them. Then there are those deaths this year of people who were too young, and left this world all too quickly. Yesterday we lost one of those people.
A friend of Matt and my brother/sister-in-law passed away yesterday suddenly. The day before he was admitted into the hospital in critical condition and went directly into the OR. Something was wrong with his brain, he had an infection that caused his brain to bleed. The operation seemed to go ok, but they cautioned that his chances for survival was low, and if he did make it, was unsure how he would be be. About half way through the 4am hour yesterday, Jim passed away. He has two small boys and a wife. He loved his boys and was always so good with them. He helped coach my husband and his brother in workouts and boxing. In fact, Jim and his family had just moved back in the beginning of the summer to San Diego to be around family. No doubt a good decision in hindsight. To my brother in law and sister in law he was family. They are the godparents to Jim's kiddos. I can only imagine what his poor wife is going through. In a way, he helped my brother and sister in law get together, because they met while working for him. It just gets one thinking how precious and fragile life is.
In the same day, we got good news that one of Matt's coworkers and friend of our delivered a healthy baby girl! I'm so happy for her and baby Nora! It's definitely strange to go from the emotion of hearing of someone's death, to the elation and happiness that comes with knowing a new life has come into the world. My mom told me once that she noticed a pattern around her, that when a grandparent or great aunt/uncle or someone passed away, then the news of either pregnancy or a birth occurred. It's just strange to have the realization of the full circle of life hit you in one day.
Those are just some thoughts I had.
I have to get ready for my OB appointment- just mid cycle check up to see if my eggs are ready to "hatch" :)
Oh the joys of TTC-ing. One thing is for sure, we are going to be so happy and so blessed when we finally do get a bundle of joy all of our own- no matter if he/she comes from me or is adopted.
TTFN Have a great day!
A friend of Matt and my brother/sister-in-law passed away yesterday suddenly. The day before he was admitted into the hospital in critical condition and went directly into the OR. Something was wrong with his brain, he had an infection that caused his brain to bleed. The operation seemed to go ok, but they cautioned that his chances for survival was low, and if he did make it, was unsure how he would be be. About half way through the 4am hour yesterday, Jim passed away. He has two small boys and a wife. He loved his boys and was always so good with them. He helped coach my husband and his brother in workouts and boxing. In fact, Jim and his family had just moved back in the beginning of the summer to San Diego to be around family. No doubt a good decision in hindsight. To my brother in law and sister in law he was family. They are the godparents to Jim's kiddos. I can only imagine what his poor wife is going through. In a way, he helped my brother and sister in law get together, because they met while working for him. It just gets one thinking how precious and fragile life is.
In the same day, we got good news that one of Matt's coworkers and friend of our delivered a healthy baby girl! I'm so happy for her and baby Nora! It's definitely strange to go from the emotion of hearing of someone's death, to the elation and happiness that comes with knowing a new life has come into the world. My mom told me once that she noticed a pattern around her, that when a grandparent or great aunt/uncle or someone passed away, then the news of either pregnancy or a birth occurred. It's just strange to have the realization of the full circle of life hit you in one day.
Those are just some thoughts I had.
I have to get ready for my OB appointment- just mid cycle check up to see if my eggs are ready to "hatch" :)
Oh the joys of TTC-ing. One thing is for sure, we are going to be so happy and so blessed when we finally do get a bundle of joy all of our own- no matter if he/she comes from me or is adopted.
TTFN Have a great day!
Sunday, October 16, 2011
Taking it in Strides
I'm getting a little worried, because I received my Ovidrel shot two days ago, and I still haven't Ovulated. I'm trying not to be too stressed out...but some things are going on that are contributing to some stress, and I"m trying to stay relaxed. Right now my cats are providing comic relief, so that is helping.
There are birds all over our yard right now, eating berries from trees and flying around. It's driving my kitties crazy! Marble, my oldest cat was howling for the longest time and then hissing at Twink whenever he came near to check on her... I had to spend some time to comfort her...I knew she was finally okay when she began to lick my nose! Now they are sharing a small open window... taking turns jumping down, and nudging the other off. I was able to snap a couple of pictures. These poor birds are smacking into all my windows too, which drives the kitties even more crazy! All you hear is a big "THUNK" and then a cloud of feathers slowly drifting to the ground afterwards. Luckily none of these little guys have been hurt enough that they are stunned on the ground or have died. But I must admit, it's quite comical.
On a separate note, we wound up chaperoning our youth group's trip to the "haunted woods". Actually the ticket gets you through four separate things. It starts with the haunted trails, which winds you through camps of unsightly ghosts and ghouls and escaped mental institution patients. I loved it, I was laughing the whole time. I thoroughly enjoy watching the teens scream and hearing the funny things they say when they are in an uncomfy "scary" situation such as haunted houses/trails. One of the teens directly in front of me kept telling the ghosts, "You shouldn't scare people, it isn't nice!"- actually she would yell that...and then more ghouls would come out from the surrounding flora and repeat that back to her, only in a creepy, in your face way.
The next attraction landed us in a circus of horrors so to speak... we were lead into a tarp tent with blinking strobe lights and spider webbing, black garbage bags that had been cut into strips and loud circus music. Inside we were stalked by crazy, creepy clowns. It was a fun room, but I wish they would have done more circus stuff (juggler juggling heads for example)...so much more could have been done... next year perhaps.
Suddenly we were out of the crazy clown layer and deposited into a "haunted grave yard" where ghosts and zombies walked among silly grave yard markers. They would follow you and say, "take me with you...take me with you" and cock their head to the side and it was kinda creepy...but it was the least "scary" of the four attractions. At the end a ghoul would slam his coffin as you walked by, it got some of the teens to jump!
The best part was Hades Labyrinth. You entered this huge wooden mouth into pitch blackness. You hear chain saws, screams and other spooky noises. Black garbage sacks cover the sides and your path. You really can't see where you are going when you first get in. Time and Time again you find dead ends, run into heads hanging from above or other appendages. At the end, a chain saw guy chases you out (pretty typical haunted house stuff)...but it was a great time!
I think the teens and adults both had fun. I'm glad we got to go.
When we got home, we watched a movie and some episodes of Stargate Atlantis. It was a good ending to the day.
Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday!
There are birds all over our yard right now, eating berries from trees and flying around. It's driving my kitties crazy! Marble, my oldest cat was howling for the longest time and then hissing at Twink whenever he came near to check on her... I had to spend some time to comfort her...I knew she was finally okay when she began to lick my nose! Now they are sharing a small open window... taking turns jumping down, and nudging the other off. I was able to snap a couple of pictures. These poor birds are smacking into all my windows too, which drives the kitties even more crazy! All you hear is a big "THUNK" and then a cloud of feathers slowly drifting to the ground afterwards. Luckily none of these little guys have been hurt enough that they are stunned on the ground or have died. But I must admit, it's quite comical.
On a separate note, we wound up chaperoning our youth group's trip to the "haunted woods". Actually the ticket gets you through four separate things. It starts with the haunted trails, which winds you through camps of unsightly ghosts and ghouls and escaped mental institution patients. I loved it, I was laughing the whole time. I thoroughly enjoy watching the teens scream and hearing the funny things they say when they are in an uncomfy "scary" situation such as haunted houses/trails. One of the teens directly in front of me kept telling the ghosts, "You shouldn't scare people, it isn't nice!"- actually she would yell that...and then more ghouls would come out from the surrounding flora and repeat that back to her, only in a creepy, in your face way.
The next attraction landed us in a circus of horrors so to speak... we were lead into a tarp tent with blinking strobe lights and spider webbing, black garbage bags that had been cut into strips and loud circus music. Inside we were stalked by crazy, creepy clowns. It was a fun room, but I wish they would have done more circus stuff (juggler juggling heads for example)...so much more could have been done... next year perhaps.
Suddenly we were out of the crazy clown layer and deposited into a "haunted grave yard" where ghosts and zombies walked among silly grave yard markers. They would follow you and say, "take me with you...take me with you" and cock their head to the side and it was kinda creepy...but it was the least "scary" of the four attractions. At the end a ghoul would slam his coffin as you walked by, it got some of the teens to jump!
The best part was Hades Labyrinth. You entered this huge wooden mouth into pitch blackness. You hear chain saws, screams and other spooky noises. Black garbage sacks cover the sides and your path. You really can't see where you are going when you first get in. Time and Time again you find dead ends, run into heads hanging from above or other appendages. At the end, a chain saw guy chases you out (pretty typical haunted house stuff)...but it was a great time!
I think the teens and adults both had fun. I'm glad we got to go.
When we got home, we watched a movie and some episodes of Stargate Atlantis. It was a good ending to the day.
Hope everyone is enjoying their Sunday!
Saturday, October 15, 2011
I feel so gross...
The hardest part of TCCing and the meds I take are during this past week and for the next 5 days or so... The HCG Shot drains my energy...I just feel gross...my tummy aches, I get cramps and I have headaches and I want to puke...I'm crabby and sensitive and I wanna cry at the stupidest things. Of course, it's all worth it, on this journey to parenthood... but I feel bad for when I let people down. I know there are a few people who are counting on me to do things, but I just can't...
I just don't have the energy. I have to save energy up for tonight when I get to lead some teens from our parish on a youth group outing...which will be fun. At the same time...I could just stay at home and be perfectly fine with resting...which isn't like me b/c we're supposed to be going to haunted woods and other "spooktacular" things. And those of you who know me...know I LOVE Halloween.
But it's hard to explain to people, even those closest to you why you just "can't" do something as simple as cleaning something up, or doing the dishes...I am wondering if this is what pregnancy will feel like once I do experience a healthy pregnancy. I know the HCG shot is made from the same hormones and stuff that gets produced once you are pregnant. It's what home pregnancy tests pick up on to tell you "yay" or "nay" you're preggers. I've heard that you get so tired, it's nearly impossible to do what you used to do before being pregnant....energy wise. Luckily this will only last for a few days, and I'm glad the brunt of this is happening during the weekend.
It's so nice outside today...I think I am going to go for a little walk...maybe fresh air will help with this lethargy I find myself in.
On a side note, Matt and I have been doing better with eating healthier...we've both lost some weight! :)
I just don't have the energy. I have to save energy up for tonight when I get to lead some teens from our parish on a youth group outing...which will be fun. At the same time...I could just stay at home and be perfectly fine with resting...which isn't like me b/c we're supposed to be going to haunted woods and other "spooktacular" things. And those of you who know me...know I LOVE Halloween.
But it's hard to explain to people, even those closest to you why you just "can't" do something as simple as cleaning something up, or doing the dishes...I am wondering if this is what pregnancy will feel like once I do experience a healthy pregnancy. I know the HCG shot is made from the same hormones and stuff that gets produced once you are pregnant. It's what home pregnancy tests pick up on to tell you "yay" or "nay" you're preggers. I've heard that you get so tired, it's nearly impossible to do what you used to do before being pregnant....energy wise. Luckily this will only last for a few days, and I'm glad the brunt of this is happening during the weekend.
It's so nice outside today...I think I am going to go for a little walk...maybe fresh air will help with this lethargy I find myself in.
On a side note, Matt and I have been doing better with eating healthier...we've both lost some weight! :)
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Mid-Cycle Ultrasound day 2
My eggs grew! yay! Infact, my doc found two eggs on the right ovary that look good. Matt gave me my shot tonight... Happy thoughts!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
Mid-Cycle Ultrasound day 1
Today I spent some time in the morning with a good friend of mine and her two and a half kids :) I can't believe how big her kiddos are getting! I'm so excited to meet her third kiddo who will be born in the spring! I hope God continues to bless this little family! They are such good people.
After my visit with them, I came home made lunch and then went to my appointment for my mid-cycle ultrasound. My doc was on her way back from delivering a baby, so I had to wait a bit. While I was waiting, I read an article about child birth and what one goes through and feels. That whole process never ceases to amaze me no matter how many times I read about it. When the doctor finally came in I was finally able to ask her some questions. For some reason another doctor told me I didn't ovulate last cycle...when I know I did because my temp. was elevated until my period showed up...and she told me the other doc. made a mistake. She also told me that each cycle there is only a 20% chance of getting pregnant. She has told me this before, but it still doesn't keep me from wondering what else I can do. I was also relieved to find out that my "tipped uterus" my previous doctor told me would be a problem...isn't really a problem at all. Mine isn't tipped so far back that it would cause anything bad to happen or any difficulties to conceive. So I am relieved to get all of those things straightened out.
My ultrasound showed that I have two eggs that have developed. The one on the left side is only 1cm, while the one on my right is 1.6cm. She usually likes to see them 2cm or more before giving me the "trigger" or HCG shot. So, that means I get to make my way back to the doc's office tomorrow to get prodded some more. LOL. Once I get that shot...Look out world I'm going to be an emotional and hormonal mess! The worst part is the "two week wait". Here's praying that something happens this month!
After my visit with them, I came home made lunch and then went to my appointment for my mid-cycle ultrasound. My doc was on her way back from delivering a baby, so I had to wait a bit. While I was waiting, I read an article about child birth and what one goes through and feels. That whole process never ceases to amaze me no matter how many times I read about it. When the doctor finally came in I was finally able to ask her some questions. For some reason another doctor told me I didn't ovulate last cycle...when I know I did because my temp. was elevated until my period showed up...and she told me the other doc. made a mistake. She also told me that each cycle there is only a 20% chance of getting pregnant. She has told me this before, but it still doesn't keep me from wondering what else I can do. I was also relieved to find out that my "tipped uterus" my previous doctor told me would be a problem...isn't really a problem at all. Mine isn't tipped so far back that it would cause anything bad to happen or any difficulties to conceive. So I am relieved to get all of those things straightened out.
My ultrasound showed that I have two eggs that have developed. The one on the left side is only 1cm, while the one on my right is 1.6cm. She usually likes to see them 2cm or more before giving me the "trigger" or HCG shot. So, that means I get to make my way back to the doc's office tomorrow to get prodded some more. LOL. Once I get that shot...Look out world I'm going to be an emotional and hormonal mess! The worst part is the "two week wait". Here's praying that something happens this month!
Saturday, October 8, 2011
Fall
When I was younger, I always said that fall was my least favorite season. I'm sure a lot of it had to do with the passing of summer, and start of school...but mostly the end of warm weather. However in my adult years I have grown to really enjoy fall, in particular the variety of activities and ways you can decorate during this season. Those of you who know me, know that besides Christmas, Halloween has always been my favorite "holiday". This year I have had a slow start to decorating, but rest assure that will change here in the next few days. I am totally excited to hang up my new flying ghost that "floats" back and forth on a 10 ft wire. I get such a joy in my heart when kids come on Halloween and tell me how we're the "coolest house on the block". I can't wait to own my own house some day and have more disposable income...one day I will really go "all out".
I have noticed that my energy is coming back. Since being back on my baby making meds, my energy has just been shot. I know I also had a lot of stressful things going on during the time (grandma getting in a car accident, anniversary, start of the school year and getting back into teaching, start of youth group)- but these were all things I was normally able to handle without any issues before. I hope it was just because the meds were being re-introduced into my system after not taking them for about 8 months. I still have days where I need to take a bit of a nap (yesterday was one of those days), but overall my energy levels are normal. For instance, I got up, took a shower, stripped the beds of all the linens, did the dishes, cleaned the floor, bathroom, living room, dinning room and did laundry...all before taking a break.....although I should eat something. This was done all in two hours! I've been doing better at keeping up the house too, so I can concentrate on things like vacuuming and washing windows...it'd kinda nice. I've been thinking about that quote how your house and how clean you keep it is a window into your mind... LOL...I think I'm in a better place mentally right now? At least one can hope right?
I'm excited for today, I get to do one of my favorite fall activities. Matt and I and two other couples are going to go to a farm to pick out pumpkins and go through a corn maze. After the trip to the farm, we will come back and carve the pumpkins and hang out for awhile. It'll be nice. I am definitely excited!
I hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday! God Bless!
I have noticed that my energy is coming back. Since being back on my baby making meds, my energy has just been shot. I know I also had a lot of stressful things going on during the time (grandma getting in a car accident, anniversary, start of the school year and getting back into teaching, start of youth group)- but these were all things I was normally able to handle without any issues before. I hope it was just because the meds were being re-introduced into my system after not taking them for about 8 months. I still have days where I need to take a bit of a nap (yesterday was one of those days), but overall my energy levels are normal. For instance, I got up, took a shower, stripped the beds of all the linens, did the dishes, cleaned the floor, bathroom, living room, dinning room and did laundry...all before taking a break.....although I should eat something. This was done all in two hours! I've been doing better at keeping up the house too, so I can concentrate on things like vacuuming and washing windows...it'd kinda nice. I've been thinking about that quote how your house and how clean you keep it is a window into your mind... LOL...I think I'm in a better place mentally right now? At least one can hope right?
I'm excited for today, I get to do one of my favorite fall activities. Matt and I and two other couples are going to go to a farm to pick out pumpkins and go through a corn maze. After the trip to the farm, we will come back and carve the pumpkins and hang out for awhile. It'll be nice. I am definitely excited!
I hope everyone is enjoying their Saturday! God Bless!
Wednesday, October 5, 2011
Starting this up again....
After a busy summer, I am finally back. What's been going on in my world you ask? This past summer we had three deaths in our family. In late spring/early summer Matt's uncle passed away. In July my grandpa passed away of a massive stroke, and then a couple of months later my great aunt passed away as well. A few days before Matt and I celebrated our 4 year anniversary, my grandma was hit head on by a driver running a very red red light at 40 miles per hour. She and her passenger are still alive (thank God), but suffered great injuries. Her passenger finally got released from her rehab center today and it looks like my grandma will get to go home on Saturday. I only hope that is a smooth transition for her.
I'm glad most of this stress is behind us...it will help us to get refocused on trying again. I went back in August to see my doctor and get started on my therapies again...but again, they did not work this cycle. It's so hard to want something so badly...I don't think I've ever wanted something to badly in my life...to no avail. It feels like there is this hole in my heart, that I've tried other ways to fill, and it can only be filled by the life of a little one. It's especially getting harder seeing all my friends have kids, and more are on their second, third and fourth kiddos. Don't get me wrong....I am so happy for them and their little blessing! But it gets harder and harder to go to baby showers...it gets gut-wrenching sometimes and sometimes I find myself biting the inside of my cheek to not cry when the mom to be is opening gifts. I can't wait for it to be my turn...to feel that life inside me once again. Sometimes I feel weird and bad for feeling this way, like I am being selfish for having my "wants".
It's especially hard as a Catholic woman, because bringing life into this world is such a big part of our dignity and who we are. Not being able to have the love Matt and I have create this perfect life and bring him or her into the world. The questions are coming more often now..."when are you guys going to start having kids?" "Why haven't you had kids yet?" "Do you guys not want kids?" and then there are the glances people give you, and the reassuring "pats"...I know people mean well, and they don't all know or understand....but sometimes it makes things so unbearable. It's getting to the point where I can't even put a post on facebook about cleaning or a quote about something and there is a question/comment about "nesting" or otherwise. I know people are waiting...I understand, and I appreciate it...but sometimes it's like a slap in the face because it all just means I'm broken. I find myself crying, silently at night as I pray for an answer, or for more patience. Then the other part of me pipes in, the doubting part...the voice from my past before I miscarried..."How are you going to pay for a baby?" "You don't even have a job yet" "Why are you going to be so irresponsible?" Granted, these people do not understand our faith, nor what we have gone through.
Matt and I filled out a sheet from Catholic Community Services's adoption agency...it's just to go to an info meeting. At least we can get information about what adoption involves, money and home study wise...it's scary, but we are so ready.
Sometimes I get frustrated with Matt, because he seems so stoic when it comes to this...I know he wants to have kids more than anything...and I know its unfair to him when I snap at him for not obsessing about it like I do all the time. That sounds bad...let me give an example...sometimes we will be sitting on the couch and I will be thinking about kiddos or it may be during the "two week wait"...and I'm trying to figure out little signs my body is giving off... and he starts to talk about a show, or a book or something that isn't what I"m thinking about...I snap at him, or tune him out b/c of course I don't understand why he isn't obsessing about it like I am! LOL...gesh, we're starting our 5th year of marriage, can't he read my mind by now!??! Of course I'm kidding, I don't really expect him to know...and I know he hurts and longs for a kiddo just as much, and he's just trying to be strong for us. It's just funny how things are that's all.
I'm starting to wonder about my doctor and the treatment. How many more months are we going to try these medicines, and how many more unsuccessful tries do we have to go through? I'm so sick of getting poked and prodded and experiencing all these different side effects from drugs, and the hormones. They told me this last time I didn't even ovulate, but my temperature rose a full degree and stayed elevated until Aunt Flow came to visit. I go in for a mid-cycle ultrasound next week...I will ask some questions there.
Last night was a tough night for me...and I don't know why some days/nights are tougher than others....but I do take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one out there who is going through this. Sometimes, because I am the only one out of my friends right now (out of the ones who are married) who doesn't have any kids....I feel so alone and isolated. Through these websites I have found people who are thinking/feeling the same way I feel...I wish there were support groups around here, and who shared the same faith.
Here are some good websites:
http://simone-perseverance.blogspot.com/2011/01/catholic-infertility-support-group.html
http://www.hannahsheart.org/General_Information.html
http://allyouwhohope.blogspot.com/
http://percolatingpetals.blogspot.com/
I'm glad most of this stress is behind us...it will help us to get refocused on trying again. I went back in August to see my doctor and get started on my therapies again...but again, they did not work this cycle. It's so hard to want something so badly...I don't think I've ever wanted something to badly in my life...to no avail. It feels like there is this hole in my heart, that I've tried other ways to fill, and it can only be filled by the life of a little one. It's especially getting harder seeing all my friends have kids, and more are on their second, third and fourth kiddos. Don't get me wrong....I am so happy for them and their little blessing! But it gets harder and harder to go to baby showers...it gets gut-wrenching sometimes and sometimes I find myself biting the inside of my cheek to not cry when the mom to be is opening gifts. I can't wait for it to be my turn...to feel that life inside me once again. Sometimes I feel weird and bad for feeling this way, like I am being selfish for having my "wants".
It's especially hard as a Catholic woman, because bringing life into this world is such a big part of our dignity and who we are. Not being able to have the love Matt and I have create this perfect life and bring him or her into the world. The questions are coming more often now..."when are you guys going to start having kids?" "Why haven't you had kids yet?" "Do you guys not want kids?" and then there are the glances people give you, and the reassuring "pats"...I know people mean well, and they don't all know or understand....but sometimes it makes things so unbearable. It's getting to the point where I can't even put a post on facebook about cleaning or a quote about something and there is a question/comment about "nesting" or otherwise. I know people are waiting...I understand, and I appreciate it...but sometimes it's like a slap in the face because it all just means I'm broken. I find myself crying, silently at night as I pray for an answer, or for more patience. Then the other part of me pipes in, the doubting part...the voice from my past before I miscarried..."How are you going to pay for a baby?" "You don't even have a job yet" "Why are you going to be so irresponsible?" Granted, these people do not understand our faith, nor what we have gone through.
Matt and I filled out a sheet from Catholic Community Services's adoption agency...it's just to go to an info meeting. At least we can get information about what adoption involves, money and home study wise...it's scary, but we are so ready.
Sometimes I get frustrated with Matt, because he seems so stoic when it comes to this...I know he wants to have kids more than anything...and I know its unfair to him when I snap at him for not obsessing about it like I do all the time. That sounds bad...let me give an example...sometimes we will be sitting on the couch and I will be thinking about kiddos or it may be during the "two week wait"...and I'm trying to figure out little signs my body is giving off... and he starts to talk about a show, or a book or something that isn't what I"m thinking about...I snap at him, or tune him out b/c of course I don't understand why he isn't obsessing about it like I am! LOL...gesh, we're starting our 5th year of marriage, can't he read my mind by now!??! Of course I'm kidding, I don't really expect him to know...and I know he hurts and longs for a kiddo just as much, and he's just trying to be strong for us. It's just funny how things are that's all.
I'm starting to wonder about my doctor and the treatment. How many more months are we going to try these medicines, and how many more unsuccessful tries do we have to go through? I'm so sick of getting poked and prodded and experiencing all these different side effects from drugs, and the hormones. They told me this last time I didn't even ovulate, but my temperature rose a full degree and stayed elevated until Aunt Flow came to visit. I go in for a mid-cycle ultrasound next week...I will ask some questions there.
Last night was a tough night for me...and I don't know why some days/nights are tougher than others....but I do take comfort in knowing that I am not the only one out there who is going through this. Sometimes, because I am the only one out of my friends right now (out of the ones who are married) who doesn't have any kids....I feel so alone and isolated. Through these websites I have found people who are thinking/feeling the same way I feel...I wish there were support groups around here, and who shared the same faith.
Here are some good websites:
http://simone-perseverance.blogspot.com/2011/01/catholic-infertility-support-group.html
http://www.hannahsheart.org/General_Information.html
http://allyouwhohope.blogspot.com/
http://percolatingpetals.blogspot.com/
Monday, June 20, 2011
I'm Still Here! :)
Hello,
Sorry it's been so long since my last blog...I've been very busy. I just got back from a long road trip with my sister-in-law and her two kiddos. It was great! We went to San Francisco, Disneyland, the beach! It was awesome...most of all I miss the warmth of the sun...Mother Nature hasn't quite gotten the fact that it's summer here...it's so frustrating b/c its so draining on the energy and mood.
I have been so sleepy lately, I don't want to get up in the morning...and I don't want to do anything...I hate it when I get into "funks" like these. It's not like me at all... I gotta start taking my multivitamin again...and getting back on the "eat better" wagon. Matt and I are trying to have better habits! We joined the YMCA and should be able to get our cards any day... I'm really excited about that. Our Y offers Zumba, Bollywood dancing and other fun classes that I have been wanting to try! I can't wait. I know I will be exhausted after work, but I gotta do it, I am tired of feeling like a 40 yr old at age 28... :)
I had an interview before I left. Still no word on it, and I probably won't hear for awhile. They had applicants from all over the US. I was the first to be interviewed. The school was really nice though. :)
Tomorrow I wash my camp van and get set up for summer... Next week I jump right into summer camp stuff...I can't believe how quickly this year is passing! Wasn't it just February? I also found out that I get to go on a special camp trip where we will be camping and doing a mini-road trip and water rafting! I love rafting! I haven't been in 6 years!
Ok, so that is a very brief update on my life...will write more regularly again soon. :)
Sorry it's been so long since my last blog...I've been very busy. I just got back from a long road trip with my sister-in-law and her two kiddos. It was great! We went to San Francisco, Disneyland, the beach! It was awesome...most of all I miss the warmth of the sun...Mother Nature hasn't quite gotten the fact that it's summer here...it's so frustrating b/c its so draining on the energy and mood.
I have been so sleepy lately, I don't want to get up in the morning...and I don't want to do anything...I hate it when I get into "funks" like these. It's not like me at all... I gotta start taking my multivitamin again...and getting back on the "eat better" wagon. Matt and I are trying to have better habits! We joined the YMCA and should be able to get our cards any day... I'm really excited about that. Our Y offers Zumba, Bollywood dancing and other fun classes that I have been wanting to try! I can't wait. I know I will be exhausted after work, but I gotta do it, I am tired of feeling like a 40 yr old at age 28... :)
I had an interview before I left. Still no word on it, and I probably won't hear for awhile. They had applicants from all over the US. I was the first to be interviewed. The school was really nice though. :)
Tomorrow I wash my camp van and get set up for summer... Next week I jump right into summer camp stuff...I can't believe how quickly this year is passing! Wasn't it just February? I also found out that I get to go on a special camp trip where we will be camping and doing a mini-road trip and water rafting! I love rafting! I haven't been in 6 years!
Ok, so that is a very brief update on my life...will write more regularly again soon. :)
What Love and Marriage is
My friends on fb posted this video and I thought it was really well done and well said...I wish everyone out there could experience and have a love and marriage that is described in this video...Everyone deserves it... unfortunately we live in a selfish society and fickle society, where our feelings dictate where our feelings and commitments stand...
Love and Responsibility from Anteroom Pictures on Vimeo.
Love and Responsibility from Anteroom Pictures on Vimeo.
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Birthdays Birthdays Birthdays!
For 3 months out of the year, there seems to be nothing but birthday stuff going on...those are March, July and May... This week is another one of those weeks... Yesterday was two of our good friend's birthdays, today is Matt's mom's birthday and next weekend is my father's birthday. Earlier in the month there were birthdays as well as Mother's day.... This all leads to a very tired Beth... Don't get me wrong, I love being able to celebrate people's birthdays...but sometimes it's tough when my world already seems to be moving at the speed of light. But I am happy to be celebrating rather than the week I had in my previous posting.
Due to said birthdays though, I have gotten to experience some good food and watch (or will watch at this point in my day) some movies... Last night it was Sushi and Ramen, followed by the movie Thor, tonight it's dinner at the Ram and Pirates! Although I am saddened by the fact that Orlando Bloom is no longer part of the franchise...I know those of you who are Johnny Depp lovers will disagree with me...but he does nothing for me. :) Although...I must admit, he does look a lot better as Jack Sparrow than any other character he plays... although I believe he has an amazing acting talent! Thor was alright...there were some funny parts, but I almost fell asleep during the first 45 min of the movie...hopefully the movie is setting up for something better to come. I will give my report on Pirates after I have seen it.
I got to spoil myself a little bit yesterday...it's what happens when you combine sunshine (finally hit 70 degrees for the first time this year!) and pay day... I got myself a couple of shirts and a pair of shorts for an upcoming trip, as well as chop off my hair a little bit...it's shorter in the back than in the front...and my hair is naturally wavy so it wants to go all catawonky on me in the morning if I don't straighten it...but other than that, it looks alright...I like it... it gives me some volume and cuts down on the weight of my hair... LOL
I have an observation Monday- I am hoping it will lead to someone from the district to observe me and eventually post me in a school within the district... I also got another interview! That isn't until the 3rd of June and it is teaching 6th grade (home room stuff- religion, language arts, and humanities)... I have to admit I'm a little scared b/c I know nothing about the upper grades. I mean I have taught in 4th-6th grades and I help to lead middle and high school youth groups....but as far as expectations and what to expect from them, I will have to learn that if I got the job. I am excited and grateful for the opportunity to even interview...I'm getting more interviews this year for teaching than...well...ever. :)
Ok, I hope everyone "survives the rapture"... I still have 2 1/2 hours :) ha ha ha I figured since everyone else is talking about it, I had to mention it...I didn't even hear about this until last Monday. People are strange.
Due to said birthdays though, I have gotten to experience some good food and watch (or will watch at this point in my day) some movies... Last night it was Sushi and Ramen, followed by the movie Thor, tonight it's dinner at the Ram and Pirates! Although I am saddened by the fact that Orlando Bloom is no longer part of the franchise...I know those of you who are Johnny Depp lovers will disagree with me...but he does nothing for me. :) Although...I must admit, he does look a lot better as Jack Sparrow than any other character he plays... although I believe he has an amazing acting talent! Thor was alright...there were some funny parts, but I almost fell asleep during the first 45 min of the movie...hopefully the movie is setting up for something better to come. I will give my report on Pirates after I have seen it.
I got to spoil myself a little bit yesterday...it's what happens when you combine sunshine (finally hit 70 degrees for the first time this year!) and pay day... I got myself a couple of shirts and a pair of shorts for an upcoming trip, as well as chop off my hair a little bit...it's shorter in the back than in the front...and my hair is naturally wavy so it wants to go all catawonky on me in the morning if I don't straighten it...but other than that, it looks alright...I like it... it gives me some volume and cuts down on the weight of my hair... LOL
I have an observation Monday- I am hoping it will lead to someone from the district to observe me and eventually post me in a school within the district... I also got another interview! That isn't until the 3rd of June and it is teaching 6th grade (home room stuff- religion, language arts, and humanities)... I have to admit I'm a little scared b/c I know nothing about the upper grades. I mean I have taught in 4th-6th grades and I help to lead middle and high school youth groups....but as far as expectations and what to expect from them, I will have to learn that if I got the job. I am excited and grateful for the opportunity to even interview...I'm getting more interviews this year for teaching than...well...ever. :)
Ok, I hope everyone "survives the rapture"... I still have 2 1/2 hours :) ha ha ha I figured since everyone else is talking about it, I had to mention it...I didn't even hear about this until last Monday. People are strange.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
I Can't Make These Things Up!
So, for those that know me, know that somehow in my life, when it rains...it pours...this week was definitely one of "those" weeks... I know I am blessed and God grants me and my family little graces every day (whether it is noticed or unnoticed...I know they are there)... However... I am the type that doesn't always see the little graces unless they smack me straight in the face. But I believe God grants me these little "sanity" blessings so I can keep holding everyone and everything together...
Ok, so what is all this about you are asking? Well I will tell ya..
The week started out normal... although I wasn't getting much sleep...We went to bed at a descent time, but I just wasn't falling asleep. Monday and Tuesday went by normally (despite suffering from an upset stomach), but from Wednesday on...it's been an emotional roller coaster. Wednesday I got to sub (which is great)...however the class I was subbing in had a pathologist from the Cancer Care Alliance come in and do a full day presentation complete with slides as well as body parts...and those of you that know me, know I am squeamish about body parts and blood...and I just get very uncomfy...I was able to hold it together, but the smell of formaldehyde mixed with watching 5th graders poke, pick up and stick fingers in through openings of different organs was enough to almost make me lose my lunch. It was kinda cool, but the scientist guy brought a uterus complete with fallopian tubes and ovaries, a heart (which the kids were sticking their fingers into the Aorta), Liver, Brains, Lungs (both healthy and cancerous/smoker), stomach, and others I am trying not to remember.
I guess this wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't thinking about my dad during all of this because at that moment he was having surgery on his shoulder to repair muscles and some other stuff...so even though he had had it done before in his other shoulder, I was still a little worried since any time you "go under" it's serious... (as my mom always tells me). But everything turned out great, and my dad is recovering well. If people would quit getting sick, I wouldn't have to worry so much! (The week before Matt had a brain scan! which turned out to be negative, except for they found he had a sinusitis- we are still waiting to see if a brain showed up though in the scan :P )
Later on Wednesday we got the news that Matt's uncle passed away after a long and painful battle with cancer. We actually got to see him about a month ago for his birthday celebration. It was my first time meeting him. I'm glad Matt got to see/talk to him one more time before he passed away- since they had not seen each other in about 5 years; and I am glad he is no longer in pain.
Thursday was another tough day, the morning was rough and again filled with some unpleasant news, and later when Matt and I tried to go out for a driver, our tire blew...we had to get towed to the tire place and found out we had to replace all of our tires and that additional work needed to be done. Then we rushed home to get stuff for our youth group planning meeting, which went well..
Today was okay, for Friday the 13th. I was subbing again in special Ed... the kids were a little off today, very emotional and mean spirited and whiny...but we made it through.
But in between all of those stressors good things have happened...we had enough to pay part of our tires and we can pay off the rest of them a little at a time, We were thanked and appreciated for our hard work at church, A good friend of ours took us out to dinner tonight, and then we (and my mom) played a fun game tonight....I will be on my way to Cali in a couple of weeks...and I got to have an amazing Mani/Pedi this week...I do notice the good, even though it can be so easy to focus on the "annoying curve balls" life throws at you...
Anyways, that's it for now...it's one of the reasons I haven't written in awhile... I hope those of you who are mother's or have mothers had a wonderful Mother's Day... I know we did... Matt's mom was able to spend the weekend with us and we took her to her first baseball game and it just so happened to be a bobble head night! :) We made our mom's breakfast in the morning and went to mass in the evening... it was nice.
I hope this weekend goes well for y'all!
Ok, so what is all this about you are asking? Well I will tell ya..
The week started out normal... although I wasn't getting much sleep...We went to bed at a descent time, but I just wasn't falling asleep. Monday and Tuesday went by normally (despite suffering from an upset stomach), but from Wednesday on...it's been an emotional roller coaster. Wednesday I got to sub (which is great)...however the class I was subbing in had a pathologist from the Cancer Care Alliance come in and do a full day presentation complete with slides as well as body parts...and those of you that know me, know I am squeamish about body parts and blood...and I just get very uncomfy...I was able to hold it together, but the smell of formaldehyde mixed with watching 5th graders poke, pick up and stick fingers in through openings of different organs was enough to almost make me lose my lunch. It was kinda cool, but the scientist guy brought a uterus complete with fallopian tubes and ovaries, a heart (which the kids were sticking their fingers into the Aorta), Liver, Brains, Lungs (both healthy and cancerous/smoker), stomach, and others I am trying not to remember.
I guess this wouldn't have been so bad if I wasn't thinking about my dad during all of this because at that moment he was having surgery on his shoulder to repair muscles and some other stuff...so even though he had had it done before in his other shoulder, I was still a little worried since any time you "go under" it's serious... (as my mom always tells me). But everything turned out great, and my dad is recovering well. If people would quit getting sick, I wouldn't have to worry so much! (The week before Matt had a brain scan! which turned out to be negative, except for they found he had a sinusitis- we are still waiting to see if a brain showed up though in the scan :P )
Later on Wednesday we got the news that Matt's uncle passed away after a long and painful battle with cancer. We actually got to see him about a month ago for his birthday celebration. It was my first time meeting him. I'm glad Matt got to see/talk to him one more time before he passed away- since they had not seen each other in about 5 years; and I am glad he is no longer in pain.
Thursday was another tough day, the morning was rough and again filled with some unpleasant news, and later when Matt and I tried to go out for a driver, our tire blew...we had to get towed to the tire place and found out we had to replace all of our tires and that additional work needed to be done. Then we rushed home to get stuff for our youth group planning meeting, which went well..
Today was okay, for Friday the 13th. I was subbing again in special Ed... the kids were a little off today, very emotional and mean spirited and whiny...but we made it through.
But in between all of those stressors good things have happened...we had enough to pay part of our tires and we can pay off the rest of them a little at a time, We were thanked and appreciated for our hard work at church, A good friend of ours took us out to dinner tonight, and then we (and my mom) played a fun game tonight....I will be on my way to Cali in a couple of weeks...and I got to have an amazing Mani/Pedi this week...I do notice the good, even though it can be so easy to focus on the "annoying curve balls" life throws at you...
Anyways, that's it for now...it's one of the reasons I haven't written in awhile... I hope those of you who are mother's or have mothers had a wonderful Mother's Day... I know we did... Matt's mom was able to spend the weekend with us and we took her to her first baseball game and it just so happened to be a bobble head night! :) We made our mom's breakfast in the morning and went to mass in the evening... it was nice.
I hope this weekend goes well for y'all!
Monday, May 2, 2011
Task Master...now time to breathe :)
This past weekend was great... Friday night Matt and I went out to a semi-fancy dinner to celebrate our 5 year dating anniversary (yes, we still celebrate it :P)...it was a good time...and nummy food... I love Black Angus.
The rest of the weekend is where I get things done... Saturday I spent part of the day cleaning house and running errands...and the evening, was spent planing my road trip to Disneyland! I'm so excited! I'm so honored that I was asked to go in the first place...it's going to be such a great time... we are also going to spend some time in San Francisco.
Sunday I spent the day prepping for youth group. For youth group we were honoring the mother's of the teens...so I made dinner for everyone, and I bought some gift bags and got chocolates and lotions to give the mom's and roses. It was a great night! The teens participated in some game shows with their mom's...like "dancing with your mom"- like dancing with the stars, the judges even stopped by. We also played 'How Well do you Know your Mamma?' It was great! But there was a lot of prep to pull the night off...but I am blessed to have other youth leaders who are very helpful. :)
Today I got to work for half a day. For dinner I made Low GI Sloppy Joes...it turned out really great and was very filling! Dessert was strawberry Shortcake! :)
I hope all is well
Toodles!
The rest of the weekend is where I get things done... Saturday I spent part of the day cleaning house and running errands...and the evening, was spent planing my road trip to Disneyland! I'm so excited! I'm so honored that I was asked to go in the first place...it's going to be such a great time... we are also going to spend some time in San Francisco.
Sunday I spent the day prepping for youth group. For youth group we were honoring the mother's of the teens...so I made dinner for everyone, and I bought some gift bags and got chocolates and lotions to give the mom's and roses. It was a great night! The teens participated in some game shows with their mom's...like "dancing with your mom"- like dancing with the stars, the judges even stopped by. We also played 'How Well do you Know your Mamma?' It was great! But there was a lot of prep to pull the night off...but I am blessed to have other youth leaders who are very helpful. :)
Today I got to work for half a day. For dinner I made Low GI Sloppy Joes...it turned out really great and was very filling! Dessert was strawberry Shortcake! :)
I hope all is well
Toodles!
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
Dreams
I have been having really vivid dreams lately and even ones that are a little scary. I don't know if this it he result of being back on some of my medications or what...but it's just weird...
Right before Easter I had a scary dream where I knew the evil one was after me... I knew he was behind doors and I would command him to leave.. I remember I had to go to the bathroom really bad, but I couldn't because he was in there... and so I got my mom in my dream to go with me, but she told me I was being silly b/c she couldn't feel him in there... eventually I just forced myself to wake up...but it felt so real! Turned out I really did have to go to the bathroom LOL...upon returning though, I made sure to snuggle in tightly to Matt, just for a little extra comfort...and the rest of the night I was able to sleep fine.
This last night I had a dream that I was teaching, and I believe it was my own classroom too... and again I found myself in a horrible situation! I was slapping this poor child's hand over and over b/c he wasn't doing his work! In my dream I felt overcome with frustration and the only way to make this kid do what he was supposed to do, was to slap his hand...my real self felt horrible...and I forced myself to wake up...I have never felt more relieved! I would NEVER do that in real life...but before I woke up, I remembered my dream self wondering if I'd get fired for doing what I did and how could I bribe the kid to not tell on me! Who thinks like that?! Who does that?! I'm SOOOO glad these were dreams.
I wonder though if there will be a full moon or something soon b/c when I was sitting in the teacher's lounge yesterday during lunch, the other teachers were talking about the vivid dreams they had been having. Well, one is prego...so that is understandable... She said she was having a dream where she went to Cold Stone Creamery and wanted chocolate chip mint ice cream, but couldn't decide if she wanted oreos or cookie dough to be mixed in with them...and it was making her mad... and she almost woke her hubby up to go get her some ice cream from the store in the middle of the night. LOL.... Then this other woman chimed in to talk about how she's been having dreams about chocolate...and they are so good, she said they were almost like 'sex dreams' (I've never had one of those...but apparently it was a common experience among the other teachers at the table)... I couldn't help but laugh to myself... man, I never would have thought teachers talked like that when I was going through school... It's kinda funny to see the 'secret' lives of teachers... I remember it still surprised me when one of the most sweetest teachers at the school I did my student teaching at came up to me one morning at school and told me she was hung over!
Ok, those are my thoughts as of this morning, maybe more later... I haven't heard about the job yet...hopefully soon.
Right before Easter I had a scary dream where I knew the evil one was after me... I knew he was behind doors and I would command him to leave.. I remember I had to go to the bathroom really bad, but I couldn't because he was in there... and so I got my mom in my dream to go with me, but she told me I was being silly b/c she couldn't feel him in there... eventually I just forced myself to wake up...but it felt so real! Turned out I really did have to go to the bathroom LOL...upon returning though, I made sure to snuggle in tightly to Matt, just for a little extra comfort...and the rest of the night I was able to sleep fine.
This last night I had a dream that I was teaching, and I believe it was my own classroom too... and again I found myself in a horrible situation! I was slapping this poor child's hand over and over b/c he wasn't doing his work! In my dream I felt overcome with frustration and the only way to make this kid do what he was supposed to do, was to slap his hand...my real self felt horrible...and I forced myself to wake up...I have never felt more relieved! I would NEVER do that in real life...but before I woke up, I remembered my dream self wondering if I'd get fired for doing what I did and how could I bribe the kid to not tell on me! Who thinks like that?! Who does that?! I'm SOOOO glad these were dreams.
I wonder though if there will be a full moon or something soon b/c when I was sitting in the teacher's lounge yesterday during lunch, the other teachers were talking about the vivid dreams they had been having. Well, one is prego...so that is understandable... She said she was having a dream where she went to Cold Stone Creamery and wanted chocolate chip mint ice cream, but couldn't decide if she wanted oreos or cookie dough to be mixed in with them...and it was making her mad... and she almost woke her hubby up to go get her some ice cream from the store in the middle of the night. LOL.... Then this other woman chimed in to talk about how she's been having dreams about chocolate...and they are so good, she said they were almost like 'sex dreams' (I've never had one of those...but apparently it was a common experience among the other teachers at the table)... I couldn't help but laugh to myself... man, I never would have thought teachers talked like that when I was going through school... It's kinda funny to see the 'secret' lives of teachers... I remember it still surprised me when one of the most sweetest teachers at the school I did my student teaching at came up to me one morning at school and told me she was hung over!
Ok, those are my thoughts as of this morning, maybe more later... I haven't heard about the job yet...hopefully soon.
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Adventures in Subbing
One of the best things about being a substitute is that I get to experience many different schools, grades, and students. It always feels great when the kids remember me, especially if I have only been in their class once and it was awhile ago... The second best thing about being a substitute is that you find yourself in classes and situations where kids say the "darnedest" things. Both of these things happened to me today...
First off...I was subbing in a special ed classroom (one where kids are behaviorally disabled, not physically)... one of the boys (he has aspergers) said the funniest thing. I got to accompany a couple of the 5th grade boys to a mainstream class where they are studying health... this week's topic... Sex Ed... Well we were talking about puberty and the teacher was going over some questions... The question that was being asked really wasn't about puberty per se... it was more about how do you know when you are "grown up"... and this boy raises his hands and asks a rather inappropriate question... I won't mention the exact question, but he shared something very personal... I think both the teacher and I were both a little taken a back...for the most part the other 5th graders didn't snicker too much. The health teacher explained to the boy very calmly that that was a comment/question that is private, and not something you talk to people about... and then the poor thing ran off to the bathroom for awhile. I was able to coax him out...and he apologized for asking an embarrassing question. Poor kiddo... but the incident was quickly forgotten... He has a history of asking weird questions, but because he has aspergers he lacks the internal filter and meter to let one know what is okay to say and what is not.
The other great thing was that while I was walking my class to recess, kids from a class I subbed in back in January recognized me and even remembered my name! And one ran up to me and asked me if I was that same teacher and I said I was, and she gave me a hug... it's so rewarding. I remember that class too, they were really sweet and I really enjoyed subbing there, and hopefully I will get to be in that class again...it was a 3rd grade class too.
Speaking of 3rd grade, tomorrow is supposedly when I find out if I made the cut for the second round of interviews...where I will plan and teach a lesson... *sigh*
I hope all are well
Till Next Time.... :)
First off...I was subbing in a special ed classroom (one where kids are behaviorally disabled, not physically)... one of the boys (he has aspergers) said the funniest thing. I got to accompany a couple of the 5th grade boys to a mainstream class where they are studying health... this week's topic... Sex Ed... Well we were talking about puberty and the teacher was going over some questions... The question that was being asked really wasn't about puberty per se... it was more about how do you know when you are "grown up"... and this boy raises his hands and asks a rather inappropriate question... I won't mention the exact question, but he shared something very personal... I think both the teacher and I were both a little taken a back...for the most part the other 5th graders didn't snicker too much. The health teacher explained to the boy very calmly that that was a comment/question that is private, and not something you talk to people about... and then the poor thing ran off to the bathroom for awhile. I was able to coax him out...and he apologized for asking an embarrassing question. Poor kiddo... but the incident was quickly forgotten... He has a history of asking weird questions, but because he has aspergers he lacks the internal filter and meter to let one know what is okay to say and what is not.
The other great thing was that while I was walking my class to recess, kids from a class I subbed in back in January recognized me and even remembered my name! And one ran up to me and asked me if I was that same teacher and I said I was, and she gave me a hug... it's so rewarding. I remember that class too, they were really sweet and I really enjoyed subbing there, and hopefully I will get to be in that class again...it was a 3rd grade class too.
Speaking of 3rd grade, tomorrow is supposedly when I find out if I made the cut for the second round of interviews...where I will plan and teach a lesson... *sigh*
I hope all are well
Till Next Time.... :)
Monday, April 25, 2011
Out of the Ashes of Lent...comes New Beginnings
Hello everyone! Sorry I have been neglecting my blog for a few days... a lot has been going on...
I hope everyone had a great Easter... I know I did! This lent was very different for me...it's almost like for the first time I really truly experienced Lent... I know that sounds weird coming from a cradle Catholic...and every year I participate of course and work on something/give something up...but this year it just hit me more. I felt more prepared, more focused and it had lead to a "new" Beth... in a way... One of the things I really tried to focus on is myself (don't worry it's not as selfish as it seems) and start to learn how to eat right that according to my PCOS... as it turns, out I went down a whole pants size during these past 40 days! But I took the time to focus, and respect myself and took time to work on myself, which I don't often do... I got many books from the library about PCOS and diet and Low GI foods and cookbooks... and I started cooking more and what I found is that I wasn't missing out on much, which is great...I never felt like I was on a "diet", but rather I was learning more about which foods my body can process better...and honestly I have been feeling better... I've had more energy, I'm not as moody...I sleep better and wake up earlier (a big one!) and feel rested and most of all, I've been in a better mood. Hopefully with all I have learned and the good habits I have been forging for myself throughout Lent will help me continue this journey and eventually lead to our ultimate goal in conceiving a child. Who knows...but it's all in God's hands (of course).
I am back on Metformin, and I have noticed that I don't get as sick on it as I did before following a low GI diet...I am making sure to eat a tons more fruits and veggies... our kitchen rarely sees sweets anymore (besides from the past weekend with easter candy and a cake)...I tend to snack on sweet fruits instead of sugary sweets... and it's funny how when I do have cake or candy it's too sweet for me now...and I don't enjoy it as much...
Also this past weekend I got to meet most of Matt's family members (cousins, uncles, aunts, etc). Although it was kind of for a sad reason... His uncle has been given only 2-5 months to live, he has cancer all over his body...we all got together for his birthday (he's only 62)....But I think it was a good visit, I got to meet everyone and put a face to the name from the many stories Matt has told me about them... Everyone is pretty spread out throughout the state and even country...but everyone seemed pretty psyched on staying in tough through facebook. lol! We also got invited to a wedding that will be taking place next month, should be fun. :) It was a beautiful day, in fact it was the only sunny/warm day of the whole weekend...I can't wait for summer!
I haven't heard back from the interview yet, but I should by Wednesday! I hope I make it to the next round.... I've had lots of people praying for me and telling me they think I will get it... I am excited, but I can't allow myself to get that gung-ho about it yet... I'm already afraid of letting people down if I don't get it b/c so many people are excited for me...to tell you the truth, setting up and beginning the school year scares me...I know it will be okay (especially since I'm such a planner), but I hope I will have enough time to set everything up...
Another great thing that happened last week (a couple really) is I got asked to go on an awesome road trip with a couple of family members! I am so excited! I get to go to Disney Land again and spend some time in Cali and see a couple of my family members experience Disneyland for the first time! I'm so humbled that I was asked to join them, it will be a great trip... we are also going to a wedding while we are down there. I love weddings! :)
The other great thing was that Matt and I got to spend Holy Thursday meeting up with my brother and sister in law and my niece and we went to Mass and then dinner... it was great seeing them and hanging out. :)
Ok, so that's it for my novel right now...
I hope everyone is doing well!
God Bless
I hope everyone had a great Easter... I know I did! This lent was very different for me...it's almost like for the first time I really truly experienced Lent... I know that sounds weird coming from a cradle Catholic...and every year I participate of course and work on something/give something up...but this year it just hit me more. I felt more prepared, more focused and it had lead to a "new" Beth... in a way... One of the things I really tried to focus on is myself (don't worry it's not as selfish as it seems) and start to learn how to eat right that according to my PCOS... as it turns, out I went down a whole pants size during these past 40 days! But I took the time to focus, and respect myself and took time to work on myself, which I don't often do... I got many books from the library about PCOS and diet and Low GI foods and cookbooks... and I started cooking more and what I found is that I wasn't missing out on much, which is great...I never felt like I was on a "diet", but rather I was learning more about which foods my body can process better...and honestly I have been feeling better... I've had more energy, I'm not as moody...I sleep better and wake up earlier (a big one!) and feel rested and most of all, I've been in a better mood. Hopefully with all I have learned and the good habits I have been forging for myself throughout Lent will help me continue this journey and eventually lead to our ultimate goal in conceiving a child. Who knows...but it's all in God's hands (of course).
I am back on Metformin, and I have noticed that I don't get as sick on it as I did before following a low GI diet...I am making sure to eat a tons more fruits and veggies... our kitchen rarely sees sweets anymore (besides from the past weekend with easter candy and a cake)...I tend to snack on sweet fruits instead of sugary sweets... and it's funny how when I do have cake or candy it's too sweet for me now...and I don't enjoy it as much...
Also this past weekend I got to meet most of Matt's family members (cousins, uncles, aunts, etc). Although it was kind of for a sad reason... His uncle has been given only 2-5 months to live, he has cancer all over his body...we all got together for his birthday (he's only 62)....But I think it was a good visit, I got to meet everyone and put a face to the name from the many stories Matt has told me about them... Everyone is pretty spread out throughout the state and even country...but everyone seemed pretty psyched on staying in tough through facebook. lol! We also got invited to a wedding that will be taking place next month, should be fun. :) It was a beautiful day, in fact it was the only sunny/warm day of the whole weekend...I can't wait for summer!
I haven't heard back from the interview yet, but I should by Wednesday! I hope I make it to the next round.... I've had lots of people praying for me and telling me they think I will get it... I am excited, but I can't allow myself to get that gung-ho about it yet... I'm already afraid of letting people down if I don't get it b/c so many people are excited for me...to tell you the truth, setting up and beginning the school year scares me...I know it will be okay (especially since I'm such a planner), but I hope I will have enough time to set everything up...
Another great thing that happened last week (a couple really) is I got asked to go on an awesome road trip with a couple of family members! I am so excited! I get to go to Disney Land again and spend some time in Cali and see a couple of my family members experience Disneyland for the first time! I'm so humbled that I was asked to join them, it will be a great trip... we are also going to a wedding while we are down there. I love weddings! :)
The other great thing was that Matt and I got to spend Holy Thursday meeting up with my brother and sister in law and my niece and we went to Mass and then dinner... it was great seeing them and hanging out. :)
Ok, so that's it for my novel right now...
I hope everyone is doing well!
God Bless
Tuesday, April 19, 2011
Tomorrow
I have been so unbelievably blessed lately! This past weekend was a little tough (our little one would have turned two this past Friday), but Saturday I got to spend the evening with a good friend and we ate dinner and talked and watched a movie... It was so nice to just sit down and talk and have some girl time.
Sunday's Youth Group went really well I thought... we performed a drama for the teens called the Ragman and I think the kids really liked it...at least they were still and quiet for it! :) A new youth leader joined our group, and she has been a blessing to have so far!
I have also taught for three days this week and I picked up another day for Thursday...All in 3rd grade! (which means I will have 9 days in a row teaching and I will get paid $180 for those days because I have worked consistently) I hope it's a good sign I'm in 3rd grade all week... I have my very first teaching interview tomorrow afternoon at a local Catholic parish school... I'm kinda nervous about it, but at the same time, I am who I am, I know what I am passionate about and hopefully they will see that. If I make it past the first round I will be called back next week to teach a lesson to the kiddos. I'm so glad I found my portfolio to show them as well... I have great references, and people praying for me! The only thing I wish I had money for is to fix the roots in my hair...oh well...
I was also taken out by my step-mom to get an "interviewing outfit"...that was really nice of her and I had a good time. I got new pants (which by the way were a size to two sizes smaller than the other pants I have!), and a cute shirt and a blazer... Now I just have to be motivated enough to get up super early, get all dolled up and hope it doesn't all melt away by 4:15pm tomorrow for the interview...
So, I guess I will let y'all know what happens...
Think happy thoughts!
God Bless
Sunday's Youth Group went really well I thought... we performed a drama for the teens called the Ragman and I think the kids really liked it...at least they were still and quiet for it! :) A new youth leader joined our group, and she has been a blessing to have so far!
I have also taught for three days this week and I picked up another day for Thursday...All in 3rd grade! (which means I will have 9 days in a row teaching and I will get paid $180 for those days because I have worked consistently) I hope it's a good sign I'm in 3rd grade all week... I have my very first teaching interview tomorrow afternoon at a local Catholic parish school... I'm kinda nervous about it, but at the same time, I am who I am, I know what I am passionate about and hopefully they will see that. If I make it past the first round I will be called back next week to teach a lesson to the kiddos. I'm so glad I found my portfolio to show them as well... I have great references, and people praying for me! The only thing I wish I had money for is to fix the roots in my hair...oh well...
I was also taken out by my step-mom to get an "interviewing outfit"...that was really nice of her and I had a good time. I got new pants (which by the way were a size to two sizes smaller than the other pants I have!), and a cute shirt and a blazer... Now I just have to be motivated enough to get up super early, get all dolled up and hope it doesn't all melt away by 4:15pm tomorrow for the interview...
So, I guess I will let y'all know what happens...
Think happy thoughts!
God Bless
Tuesday, April 12, 2011
Ugh...
I am having a great week so far....I get to sub at the same school all week...I've applied for about 4 more teaching jobs....luckily these are private.... I heard that the state is thinking about cutting teachers pay...again...and one of the things they are suggesting is that if a teacher is not board certified (which you can only do if you have been hired with a continuing contract AFTER 3-5 years...and pay $1500 for the program/test) then the most any teacher will ever make is 40k... So it wouldn't matter if you have a master's degree (like me) or have umpteen years of teaching under your belt...veteran teachers who have been teaching for 30+ years are who are making close to 60-70k would be reverted back down to 40k... Also, the teacher's pay would be dependent on the evaluations the PTA do on their teachers.... not taking into account ELL kids, kids who have disabilities in the classrooms that may be "bringing test scores down"... I agree that some big things need to be revamped when it comes to education in this country...but they are going about it the wrong way...everything is so backwards in this country... I wish I could be hired in a country where education is truly valued...instead of just saying it is. Actions speak louder than words...
Anyways... I was so tired after coming home from school today. I developed a huge headache by the end of the day...it was nice to get home and relax a bit...Also, Matt got home early today!
I am going to go enjoy a pineapple muffin...
Sunday, April 10, 2011
Novena for Infertility and Parenthood
In my searching I found a cool Novena for the intercessory prayer of St. Joachim and St. Anne (Mother Mary's parents)... I thought I would share it for anyone that may be curious or may need it themselves...
Each year the Church venerates the memory of Saints Anne & Joachim
on July 26th. An ancient story dating to the first centuries of the Church’s life recalls
how Saints Anne & Joachim, like Abraham and Sarah, were scorned by their neighbors
because they had no children. Years of longing did not weaken their trust in God, but grief eventually drove Saint Joachim into the wilderness to fast and pray. Saint Anne, remaining at home, dressed in
mourning clothes and wept because she had no child of her own. Seeing her mistress
distressed, a servant girl reminded Anne to put her trust in God. Saint Anne washed her
face, put on her bridal clothes and went to a garden to plead with God for a child.
Angels appeared to Saint Anne in her garden and Saint Joachim in the desert, promising that, despite their old age, they would give birth to a child who would be known throughout the world. The new parents ran to meet one another at Jerusalem’s Golden Gate, and with a kiss rejoiced in the new life which God had promised would be theirs.
Saints Anne and Joachim are powerful intercessors for all married couples, expectant
mothers and married couples who are having difficulty conceiving, as well as all who have
grown old.
NOVENA
Good parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
grandparents of our Savior, Jesus Christ,
When life seems barren,
help us to trust in God’s mercy.
When we are confused,
help us to find the way to God.
When we are lost in the desert,
lead us to those whom God has called us to love.
When our marriage seems lifeless,
show us the eternal youth of the Lord.
When we are selfish,
teach us to cling only to that which lasts.
When we are afraid,
help us to trust in God.
When we are ashamed,
remind us that we are God’s children.
When we sin,
lead us to do God’s will.
You who know God’s will for husband and wife,
help us to live chastely.
You who know God’s will for the family,
keep all families close to you.
You who suffered without children,
intercede for all infertile couples.
You who trusted in God’s will,
help us to respect God’s gift of fertility.
You who gave birth to the Blessed Mother,
inspire couples to be co-creators with God.
You who taught the Mother of God,
teach us to nurture children in holy instruction.
You whose hearts trusted in God,
hear our prayers for . . . (mention your requests here)
Pray with us for the ministry of Catholic family life.
Pray with us for the ministry of Natural Family Planning.
Pray with us for all who give their time,
talent and treasure to this good work.
Hail Mary. . . Our Father. . . Glory to the Father. . .
God of our fathers,
you gave Saints Anne and Joachim
the privilege of being the parents of Mary,
the mother of your incarnate Son.
May their prayers help us to attain
the salvation you have promised to your people.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
Each year the Church venerates the memory of Saints Anne & Joachim
on July 26th. An ancient story dating to the first centuries of the Church’s life recalls
how Saints Anne & Joachim, like Abraham and Sarah, were scorned by their neighbors
because they had no children. Years of longing did not weaken their trust in God, but grief eventually drove Saint Joachim into the wilderness to fast and pray. Saint Anne, remaining at home, dressed in
mourning clothes and wept because she had no child of her own. Seeing her mistress
distressed, a servant girl reminded Anne to put her trust in God. Saint Anne washed her
face, put on her bridal clothes and went to a garden to plead with God for a child.
Angels appeared to Saint Anne in her garden and Saint Joachim in the desert, promising that, despite their old age, they would give birth to a child who would be known throughout the world. The new parents ran to meet one another at Jerusalem’s Golden Gate, and with a kiss rejoiced in the new life which God had promised would be theirs.
Saints Anne and Joachim are powerful intercessors for all married couples, expectant
mothers and married couples who are having difficulty conceiving, as well as all who have
grown old.
NOVENA
Good parents of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
grandparents of our Savior, Jesus Christ,
When life seems barren,
help us to trust in God’s mercy.
When we are confused,
help us to find the way to God.
When we are lost in the desert,
lead us to those whom God has called us to love.
When our marriage seems lifeless,
show us the eternal youth of the Lord.
When we are selfish,
teach us to cling only to that which lasts.
When we are afraid,
help us to trust in God.
When we are ashamed,
remind us that we are God’s children.
When we sin,
lead us to do God’s will.
You who know God’s will for husband and wife,
help us to live chastely.
You who know God’s will for the family,
keep all families close to you.
You who suffered without children,
intercede for all infertile couples.
You who trusted in God’s will,
help us to respect God’s gift of fertility.
You who gave birth to the Blessed Mother,
inspire couples to be co-creators with God.
You who taught the Mother of God,
teach us to nurture children in holy instruction.
You whose hearts trusted in God,
hear our prayers for . . . (mention your requests here)
Pray with us for the ministry of Catholic family life.
Pray with us for the ministry of Natural Family Planning.
Pray with us for all who give their time,
talent and treasure to this good work.
Hail Mary. . . Our Father. . . Glory to the Father. . .
God of our fathers,
you gave Saints Anne and Joachim
the privilege of being the parents of Mary,
the mother of your incarnate Son.
May their prayers help us to attain
the salvation you have promised to your people.
We ask this through Christ our Lord.
Amen.
So this weekend didn't quite turn out as I thought it was going to, but that's alright. We stayed close to home this weekend, and didn't go away like I hoped we would..and we didn't make it to the anniversary party...but that is okay. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed at first, but we decided to play it smart and not spend the night due to trying to save up for a house...and Matt was still feeling sick, so we opted not to go at all... However I was still upset...but I realized I was upset because of what spending a night away, together symbolized... it is something we haven't done in awhile...and how it related to every time we get close to something good, or something is within our reach, or as soon as I get excited about something, it doesn't turn out, or doesn't happen... and I am just tired of getting disappointed. And I just felt like a sucker...b/c I allowed myself to be excited for something, and again...it didn't happen...and I really needed a little get away... but that's life I suppose, nothing I can do about it now...but at the time it was tough.
However, the weekend wasn't lost! It was good, on Friday we had some friends over...and on Saturday the funniest thing happened! Matt and I went for a walk (that's not the funny part, but it could be :P ) We were walking around our neighborhood when this cute elderly Asian woman came up to us...and the first thing she said was something to the effect of, "Oh, your pants (gesturing to my hubby)... why don't you pull them down so I can spank you, I wanna spank you!" (we just kinda laughed...b/c we didn't know if she was right in the head...or what...it was so strange...she also had an umbrella that she was jabbing in our direction) she quickly smiled and laughed and so did we... and then she proceeded to ask us if we were married. We said yes, and she immediately asked us why we didn't have children to which Matt replied, "That's what we were wondering too." Then she told us we needed to get to it, and it was his job to get me pregnant...that night...and the next time she saw us walking around, I better be pregnant or else she really was going to spank his bottom! LOL
That was the most awkward and hilarious conversation I have ever had with a stranger...no, I think ever...most strange encounter ever! But it kept us laughing, and as we were walking around the corner Matt says to me, "See, this is why I don't go outside...."
Why do all the crazy things happen to me/us? LOL
I did get some more scrap-booking done...and I got in contact with one of the Slovakian volunteers from World Youth Day... he has been married a little longer and I guess he and his wife have been struggling with infertility as well... He was telling us that just as they were looking into adoption they found out they were finally pregnant and with twin boys no less! Unfortunately they had to be born 3 months premature because the amniotic sac broke...and now as he puts it the babies are "more or less struggling to stay alive".... I really pray that God will give these twin boys the strength needed to survive and grow up to be happy and healthy children...His wife is doing well now, and she might get to come home from the hospital soon as well. Here I am feeling sorry for myself and my struggles to get pregnant and they have gone through that and now have this new challenge ahead of them...I pray everything will be okay for the four of them.
This week I am subbing at the same school every day! I'm so excited! It should be a good one, although I haven't gotten the call for it yet, maybe it will come in the morning and rudely awaken me at 5am! One can only hope eh?
Hope all is well!
However, the weekend wasn't lost! It was good, on Friday we had some friends over...and on Saturday the funniest thing happened! Matt and I went for a walk (that's not the funny part, but it could be :P ) We were walking around our neighborhood when this cute elderly Asian woman came up to us...and the first thing she said was something to the effect of, "Oh, your pants (gesturing to my hubby)... why don't you pull them down so I can spank you, I wanna spank you!" (we just kinda laughed...b/c we didn't know if she was right in the head...or what...it was so strange...she also had an umbrella that she was jabbing in our direction) she quickly smiled and laughed and so did we... and then she proceeded to ask us if we were married. We said yes, and she immediately asked us why we didn't have children to which Matt replied, "That's what we were wondering too." Then she told us we needed to get to it, and it was his job to get me pregnant...that night...and the next time she saw us walking around, I better be pregnant or else she really was going to spank his bottom! LOL
That was the most awkward and hilarious conversation I have ever had with a stranger...no, I think ever...most strange encounter ever! But it kept us laughing, and as we were walking around the corner Matt says to me, "See, this is why I don't go outside...."
Why do all the crazy things happen to me/us? LOL
I did get some more scrap-booking done...and I got in contact with one of the Slovakian volunteers from World Youth Day... he has been married a little longer and I guess he and his wife have been struggling with infertility as well... He was telling us that just as they were looking into adoption they found out they were finally pregnant and with twin boys no less! Unfortunately they had to be born 3 months premature because the amniotic sac broke...and now as he puts it the babies are "more or less struggling to stay alive".... I really pray that God will give these twin boys the strength needed to survive and grow up to be happy and healthy children...His wife is doing well now, and she might get to come home from the hospital soon as well. Here I am feeling sorry for myself and my struggles to get pregnant and they have gone through that and now have this new challenge ahead of them...I pray everything will be okay for the four of them.
This week I am subbing at the same school every day! I'm so excited! It should be a good one, although I haven't gotten the call for it yet, maybe it will come in the morning and rudely awaken me at 5am! One can only hope eh?
Hope all is well!
Friday, April 8, 2011
Finally! A Day Off!
Sort of... Although I do not have to work today, I have to take care of some things at home and a sick husband...but I did get to sleep in, which felt marvelous!
I've been taking some time to work on my scrapbook for Europe, and I just finished the London leg of our journey... I'm about to start on Germany/World Youth Day and then I will go into Italy and France! I can't believe that experience was almost 6 years ago! It doesn't seem like it was...it was an awesome trip...I only wish I could live in Europe sometimes...oh well. :/
I heard Japan suffered from another huge earthquake yesterday...those poor people... It's hard to really know what kind of help they really are receiving from their government...because most of the news here has been focusing on the Reactors that have been damaged...which, don't get me wrong, is very important to get fixed... I just feel so bad about everyone out there who are suffering... it kinda makes me feel bad when I complain about the fact that I can't get pregnant...or I don't own a house yet, or I really want a doggie... and I do recognize that having a baby is a very normal desire...and it's big for me right now, but nothing like what a lot of people around the world have to go through...I only pray for strength and grace for those out there who are suffering tremendously, things I can't even begin to imagine they are going through.
On a happy note, I am excited that tomorrow Matt and I are going to have a little "getaway" weekend... He and I haven't gone somewhere alone since our 1st anniversary...a friend of ours is having their 25th wedding anniversary at this casino/resort tomorrow night and because of it, people who are invited got a discount to stay at the hotel...normally these rooms would be WAY out of our price range...and they are still a little expensive...however, it was a good discount and a good "excuse" to get out and have some fun...so I am looking forward to getting away.
Another exciting thing that is happening this weekend is our parish's groundbreaking ceremony. The Archbishop will come and have mass and then we will go out to the land where our future church will begin to be built in the next year (hopefully will be finished by next Easter!) I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about having a real church building...although the trucking school has served us well...but space...the space will be great!
Anywho... hope y'all have a great weekend! Wish me luck with the slots! :)
I've been taking some time to work on my scrapbook for Europe, and I just finished the London leg of our journey... I'm about to start on Germany/World Youth Day and then I will go into Italy and France! I can't believe that experience was almost 6 years ago! It doesn't seem like it was...it was an awesome trip...I only wish I could live in Europe sometimes...oh well. :/
I heard Japan suffered from another huge earthquake yesterday...those poor people... It's hard to really know what kind of help they really are receiving from their government...because most of the news here has been focusing on the Reactors that have been damaged...which, don't get me wrong, is very important to get fixed... I just feel so bad about everyone out there who are suffering... it kinda makes me feel bad when I complain about the fact that I can't get pregnant...or I don't own a house yet, or I really want a doggie... and I do recognize that having a baby is a very normal desire...and it's big for me right now, but nothing like what a lot of people around the world have to go through...I only pray for strength and grace for those out there who are suffering tremendously, things I can't even begin to imagine they are going through.
On a happy note, I am excited that tomorrow Matt and I are going to have a little "getaway" weekend... He and I haven't gone somewhere alone since our 1st anniversary...a friend of ours is having their 25th wedding anniversary at this casino/resort tomorrow night and because of it, people who are invited got a discount to stay at the hotel...normally these rooms would be WAY out of our price range...and they are still a little expensive...however, it was a good discount and a good "excuse" to get out and have some fun...so I am looking forward to getting away.
Another exciting thing that is happening this weekend is our parish's groundbreaking ceremony. The Archbishop will come and have mass and then we will go out to the land where our future church will begin to be built in the next year (hopefully will be finished by next Easter!) I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am about having a real church building...although the trucking school has served us well...but space...the space will be great!
Anywho... hope y'all have a great weekend! Wish me luck with the slots! :)
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Productivity
Today was one of those rare days where I feel like there were just enough hours in the day. :) I got to sleep in...my mom and I went to the grocery store, I was able to come back and hang out with my hubby a little bit and do some dishes... Then we did some running around before going to mass...and when we came back my mom made dinner, I made crepes with strawberries and whipped non-fat berry cream cheese (low fat) and a little bit of chocolate chips... it was sooo good! I even got to do some scrapbooking, cleaned the hamster's cage, took recycling out, did more dishes and took a shower! If that isn't productive I don't know what is?! And I still have some time left over before I need to go to sleep...It's been nice... I didn't feel rushed, which I rarely feel...
Oh, I thought I would review a new food I bought today at Trader Joes (I love TJ!) It's the guilt-free mac n' cheese... one of the things I was kinda sad about is that I would have to find a healthier alternative to mac n' cheese... and TJ carries a frozen variety...with low fat cheese and low sodium and less transfat and wheat pasta! It was really good too and they give you just enough...especially if you pare it with fruit and a small salad... very scrumptious!
Tomorrow I help out with the camp I work at for the summer... They hold a spring break camp..so even though I'm a little bummed about not sleeping in on my time off tomorrow, I'm happy to be making money and helping my boss out :) Besides I get to do fun things all week! Tomorrow it's Bowling and roller skating... Tuesday it's a visit to the Kangaroo Farm and watching the movie HOP... and there is more fun to be had later in the week!
Well, I hope all are well. TTYL
Oh, I thought I would review a new food I bought today at Trader Joes (I love TJ!) It's the guilt-free mac n' cheese... one of the things I was kinda sad about is that I would have to find a healthier alternative to mac n' cheese... and TJ carries a frozen variety...with low fat cheese and low sodium and less transfat and wheat pasta! It was really good too and they give you just enough...especially if you pare it with fruit and a small salad... very scrumptious!
Tomorrow I help out with the camp I work at for the summer... They hold a spring break camp..so even though I'm a little bummed about not sleeping in on my time off tomorrow, I'm happy to be making money and helping my boss out :) Besides I get to do fun things all week! Tomorrow it's Bowling and roller skating... Tuesday it's a visit to the Kangaroo Farm and watching the movie HOP... and there is more fun to be had later in the week!
Well, I hope all are well. TTYL
Friday, April 1, 2011
Jobs!
I have been so blessed lately! And yes, exhausted...but that is mainly because I have been so busy with teaching jobs lately...I love it! And I am so thankful and grateful for the opportunity to work...it is so life-giving, especially when you get to teach children. I worked the past two days in the new school district and I really enjoyed myself...and I noticed how different the new district is from the one I usually sub in. Very different worlds, but also very much the same.
It is spring break next week and I was really looking forward to taking some down time and just relaxing, but my summer time job called me and asked me if I would like to work a couple of days during their spring camp...Gladly I said yes...even though it means that I will have to give up on my rest a bit, but I have rested a lot this year while waiting for jobs! By the time April 20th has come around I will have worked for almost 7 weeks straight with only one or two days off total... I'm getting requests from teachers that I have never heard of before or from schools I have never been at before. It's such a compliment because it means that other teachers around the district are talking about me and recommending me to other teachers, and for that I am truly grateful and blessed.
I love subbing, but like I was explaining to my husband tonight it can be challenging... and not for the obvious reasons either... You see, where someone who has a set job they go to each day...like my husband does as an insurance broker...he knows what is expected for the most part...the knows the routine, he knows where he left off the day before and he knows for the most part what the end goal of the day will be (or at least the month... BONUS!) For me, it's like that movie Groundhogs Day...I start every day... I go to a different school every day, teach a different grade/age group every day... I have to reassert myself every day and introduce myself and begin new every day...and some days that is really tough...especially when you want to just sleep in that day...or you don't feel that well yourself... Don't get me wrong though, I do love it and love that I have been working so much...it's just tough some days...and I want to be able to walk into MY class...and have them know I am working for them and putting their lesson plans together...oh well in the mean time I will keep taking pictures of things I like that other teachers do :)
Not doing much this weekend, grateful for an easy one...tomorrow I will be doing some running around with my mom before Matt and I will be babysitting for some good friends of ours! I can't wait to play with the little munchkins! :) Then I will probably scrapbook some more :)
Have a great weekend!
It is spring break next week and I was really looking forward to taking some down time and just relaxing, but my summer time job called me and asked me if I would like to work a couple of days during their spring camp...Gladly I said yes...even though it means that I will have to give up on my rest a bit, but I have rested a lot this year while waiting for jobs! By the time April 20th has come around I will have worked for almost 7 weeks straight with only one or two days off total... I'm getting requests from teachers that I have never heard of before or from schools I have never been at before. It's such a compliment because it means that other teachers around the district are talking about me and recommending me to other teachers, and for that I am truly grateful and blessed.
I love subbing, but like I was explaining to my husband tonight it can be challenging... and not for the obvious reasons either... You see, where someone who has a set job they go to each day...like my husband does as an insurance broker...he knows what is expected for the most part...the knows the routine, he knows where he left off the day before and he knows for the most part what the end goal of the day will be (or at least the month... BONUS!) For me, it's like that movie Groundhogs Day...I start every day... I go to a different school every day, teach a different grade/age group every day... I have to reassert myself every day and introduce myself and begin new every day...and some days that is really tough...especially when you want to just sleep in that day...or you don't feel that well yourself... Don't get me wrong though, I do love it and love that I have been working so much...it's just tough some days...and I want to be able to walk into MY class...and have them know I am working for them and putting their lesson plans together...oh well in the mean time I will keep taking pictures of things I like that other teachers do :)
Not doing much this weekend, grateful for an easy one...tomorrow I will be doing some running around with my mom before Matt and I will be babysitting for some good friends of ours! I can't wait to play with the little munchkins! :) Then I will probably scrapbook some more :)
Have a great weekend!
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
One of God's Greatest Gifts is the Gift of Friendship
Today has been a good day, actually this whole week has been good... I've worked every day this week (only 30 min today though LOL)... the 30 min today was for the new school district I just got hired in... I didn't teach, but I was a para for the morning when the kids arrived by bus for school. Even though there are a lot of things still going on in my life and unknowns, I kinda feel more in control of my life for the first time in awhile... I've been working pretty steadily, and I already have a summer job! So maybe the dream of owning a house isn't as far off as I thought it would be after all.
After my 30 min of work I headed to a local mall to meet up for brunch with a friend and her two little cuties! Before it was time to meet I went to a bookstore that is about the close, looking for some education books... of course they were pretty much all picked over...but right next to the "education" section was the baby book section...and man there were a lot of those books... so I tortured myself for awhile looking at all the cute stuff. The thing about me is that I love to plan for the future and I try and get prepared for everything upfront as much as possible...there was this one book I wanted to get (but I didn't) that was called the baby bump journal...and it was in the shape of a preggo belly... and it had a place to put pictures of both mom and baby throughout the pregnancy and thoughts and what happened at various appointments... All these things I want to experience so badly! :) I did however get YOU Having a Baby by Dr. Oz and co... It is a book I have checked out from the library twice...and it was 1/2 off because the store was closing... so I"m glad I have that book.
After my purchase at the bookstore, I went over to Panera Bread to meet my friend for some lunch. I had a great time, and even got the chance to give her daughter some pennies to throw in the fountain in the mall. :) I can't wait till we have our own little monkeys to corral.
When I got home, I finally got work some more on my scrapbook...from a trip I took to Europe 6 years ago! To have some background noise going on, I turned on episodes of "One Born Every Minute"... It no longer scares me to watch these women and their delivery stories...but the show still makes me cry...and I love hearing the background stories of the couples... One couple tried to have babies for 17 years! Another had gone through 4 miscarriages (one ruptured one of her fallopian tubes) and was now having twins! Such miracles!
So I was feeling kinda blah again... I'm still trying to be patient... I'm taking my progesterone to make myself have a period...and my prenatal and my one pills that make me all poopy...(sorry if that's TMI). I haven't gone back to the dr. yet, but hopefully soon we can get started back up soon with all the fun shots and ovulation meds... But I was feeling kinda blah and sorry for myself... b/c conceiving is so easy for some, why is it so hard for us? I know we aren't the only ones and I know for sure that we haven't gone through as much as others have...but it's so tough sometimes just being patient and watching everyone else around us having their first, second or third children...and it's not an envious thing at all... I am so happy and grateful that they are so blessed...it's I want to know what that feels like so bad...and part of it is I know what it feels like to have life inside...but I want to have an outward sign/product of our love...living, breathing... I know parenthood isn't easy but it's something I think we are ready for... but I need to keep reminding myself that it's not what I think I'm ready for...but it will happen when God thinks we are ready. I've been praying every night recently to Saint Gerard (Patron Saint of mother's and ones who want to be) for our little miracle... I feel like I'm in a better place, and I'm getting the hang of eating healthier...doesn't mean I'm prefect, but I feel more prepared and more dedicated to it.
While I was thinking about this, my friend sent me a quote on Facebook...and it spoke to me so much...at the moment I really needed... it's almost as if God spoke through my friend... and it hasn't been the first time I've encountered something like this...it's just cool...it lets me know that I'm okay, that I'm not forgotten and that I need to keep trusting...I hope I don't have to wait 15 or more years...but what will be will be.
Here is the quote:
"On this day, God wants you to know... that God will give you everything you need once you are ready to receive. God is abundant and is only waiting for you to make yourself ready to receive what you truly need. Think now what
can you do to make yourself ready?"
Till next time...
After my 30 min of work I headed to a local mall to meet up for brunch with a friend and her two little cuties! Before it was time to meet I went to a bookstore that is about the close, looking for some education books... of course they were pretty much all picked over...but right next to the "education" section was the baby book section...and man there were a lot of those books... so I tortured myself for awhile looking at all the cute stuff. The thing about me is that I love to plan for the future and I try and get prepared for everything upfront as much as possible...there was this one book I wanted to get (but I didn't) that was called the baby bump journal...and it was in the shape of a preggo belly... and it had a place to put pictures of both mom and baby throughout the pregnancy and thoughts and what happened at various appointments... All these things I want to experience so badly! :) I did however get YOU Having a Baby by Dr. Oz and co... It is a book I have checked out from the library twice...and it was 1/2 off because the store was closing... so I"m glad I have that book.
After my purchase at the bookstore, I went over to Panera Bread to meet my friend for some lunch. I had a great time, and even got the chance to give her daughter some pennies to throw in the fountain in the mall. :) I can't wait till we have our own little monkeys to corral.
When I got home, I finally got work some more on my scrapbook...from a trip I took to Europe 6 years ago! To have some background noise going on, I turned on episodes of "One Born Every Minute"... It no longer scares me to watch these women and their delivery stories...but the show still makes me cry...and I love hearing the background stories of the couples... One couple tried to have babies for 17 years! Another had gone through 4 miscarriages (one ruptured one of her fallopian tubes) and was now having twins! Such miracles!
So I was feeling kinda blah again... I'm still trying to be patient... I'm taking my progesterone to make myself have a period...and my prenatal and my one pills that make me all poopy...(sorry if that's TMI). I haven't gone back to the dr. yet, but hopefully soon we can get started back up soon with all the fun shots and ovulation meds... But I was feeling kinda blah and sorry for myself... b/c conceiving is so easy for some, why is it so hard for us? I know we aren't the only ones and I know for sure that we haven't gone through as much as others have...but it's so tough sometimes just being patient and watching everyone else around us having their first, second or third children...and it's not an envious thing at all... I am so happy and grateful that they are so blessed...it's I want to know what that feels like so bad...and part of it is I know what it feels like to have life inside...but I want to have an outward sign/product of our love...living, breathing... I know parenthood isn't easy but it's something I think we are ready for... but I need to keep reminding myself that it's not what I think I'm ready for...but it will happen when God thinks we are ready. I've been praying every night recently to Saint Gerard (Patron Saint of mother's and ones who want to be) for our little miracle... I feel like I'm in a better place, and I'm getting the hang of eating healthier...doesn't mean I'm prefect, but I feel more prepared and more dedicated to it.
While I was thinking about this, my friend sent me a quote on Facebook...and it spoke to me so much...at the moment I really needed... it's almost as if God spoke through my friend... and it hasn't been the first time I've encountered something like this...it's just cool...it lets me know that I'm okay, that I'm not forgotten and that I need to keep trusting...I hope I don't have to wait 15 or more years...but what will be will be.
Here is the quote:
"On this day, God wants you to know... that God will give you everything you need once you are ready to receive. God is abundant and is only waiting for you to make yourself ready to receive what you truly need. Think now what
can you do to make yourself ready?"
Till next time...
Sunday, March 27, 2011
A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to Work on Friday...
Not so much... On the way to a sub job Friday morning my car decided to jerk...it was fighting so hard to not shut off... Each intersection I had to stop at a light was a little bit terrifying to me... but the worst was a 4 way stop intersection with crossing guards! I thought for sure that my car was going to die, and I quickly panicked as I entertained visions of me getting out and pushing my car across the intersection. Luckily that did not happen and I offered up a quick prayer and made a deal with my car that if it lasted about 2 more minutes I would pull into a gas station and turn it off... It turns out my car is a nice car, and she held out long enough to do just that. First I had to call the school I was subbing and to let them know what happened and that I would be late (thank God they know me well, and it was the school I did my student teaching at)... Next on the agenda...call my dad, oh did I mention that the car was smoking? The water levels were fine, so I didn't know what was going on. Luckily my dad was home and he came to the rescue...he brought me to school (which was just down the road from where I pulled over)... The principal and the office manager were out greeting kids as they arrived at school and my dad, in his big honkin' F250 diesel truck pulls up behind all the cars in line dropping off their kids...dwarfing them severely. Needless to say the principal and office manager were getting a kick out of me being dropped off at school by my dad and were laughing as I jumped out of the cab of the truck. After much worrying during school, I was happy to receive a call from my dad saying that all the car needed was so more oil and some tranny fluid...and all has been well every since! But all that car drama made the day pass by really quick.
Friday night Matt, mom and I went out to have dinner... Saturday I was spoiled some more by being taken out to eat for brunch...and later on I had a get together with some friends and we went to this awesome Japanese steakhouse. Then we ended the night listening to a live band a a bar and dancing and having a couple of drinks before heading home for the evening... When we got home we popped in a movie and I promptly fell asleep off and on during it...sigh...I used to be able to stay up past 2am without a problem...when did I get so old? oh yea, I've been working a lot and have had a lot of stress...I guess that mildly explains it LOL.
Well, until next time!
Friday night Matt, mom and I went out to have dinner... Saturday I was spoiled some more by being taken out to eat for brunch...and later on I had a get together with some friends and we went to this awesome Japanese steakhouse. Then we ended the night listening to a live band a a bar and dancing and having a couple of drinks before heading home for the evening... When we got home we popped in a movie and I promptly fell asleep off and on during it...sigh...I used to be able to stay up past 2am without a problem...when did I get so old? oh yea, I've been working a lot and have had a lot of stress...I guess that mildly explains it LOL.
Well, until next time!
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Being Humbled
Ok, so have you ever had an experience where you truly feel like you see Christ in someone else? Especially a stranger? I had one of those experiences today...
I was getting off the freeway, listening to Sacred Heart Radio (Local Catholic Radio Station) and it was talking about giving of our time, talent and treasure... and then a priest was talking about how you don't ever see a Hearse pulling a U-Haul (which is funny, because my priest at BTOC has a whole homily surrounding that)...and how we shouldn't be so attached to our material possessions, but it's okay that we have nice things too... as long as they don't become a deterrent to spending time with family and practicing our faith... And honestly, I was kinda in an annoyed mood (as I usually am) because here I was, my only day off...and I spent it running errands and driving into the city to pick my hubby up..and I didn't get to do the things I was planning on doing today, like usual. It seems like all I have time for is to do things for others and put out any potential "fires"... yea it wasn't a pretty attitude... So I'm listening to this radio spot...and we do give of our time with the youth and recently have been able to make an offering at church... and as I am coming to the end of the off ramp, an older gentleman is holding a sign at the end of the ramp that says: "homeless and hungry...anything will help and God Bless"
Now, I love being able to help out the needy... I used to volunteer in soup kitchens and later in life have made sandwiches for those in need...they are just like you or I...and honestly everyone has gone through hard times... whether it be monetary, spiritually or relationship wise... But I don't know why, but I just cannot bring myself to look in the eyes of these poor souls at the street corners... Yet I have no problem helping those in need if I was volunteering at a place...and it's something I am deeply ashamed about... and I had this Catholic radio station up loud in the car...and I was contemplating this, and kinda beating myself up about this...b/c this man was no different that you or I, he had simply just fallen on hard times. I found myself inwardly panicking as the cars in front of me took a free right, one by one moving me closer and right next to the man with the sign (I was turning left). I tried to rationalize why I was feeling the way I was... I didn't want him to harass me (I've had some pretty scary encounters in the past), I hate to say no (I didn't even have a granola bar to give this man let alone a dollar)... While I was rapidly processing all of these thoughts in my head, the man started yelling something... so I turned the radio down... and I smiled in his direction; but I still could not bring myself to fully look at the man in the eyes...
Then he started yelling/talking again...and I thought he was talking to the people in the car behind me....but I was shocked as he walked towards my car (still keeping his distance)... and all he wanted me to know is that he was praying for me... me... the person who was all but rejecting him fully... in that moment I felt a portion of what Peter must've felt upon denying that he knew Jesus...even though I truly didn't have anything to give him (and I can't help everyone, I realize this, nor is it my place to), I couldn't even acknowledge him by genuinely looking at him in the eyes and smiling at him. In that moment, I saw Christ in that man...and who knows if he really said a quick little prayer for me (that's not for me to know), but the fact that he had nothing, and was asking for food/support...made a point to come close and pointed to me to say, "hey, God Bless you, I am praying for you." It made a big difference... I turned that corner a different person than the person who stopped at that light. I began to tear up at the experience...and I know some of you reading this post won't understand, and can't understand... it was my experience to have...but I hope everyone will get to experience the power that small acts can have to humble yourself... I said a quick prayer for the man as well as I continued down the road to pick Matt up from work...and everything that I had been grumbling about prior to getting on that offramp didn't matter anymore...it was completely forgotten...
I just wanted to share that...
I hope everyone is doing well...
God Bless!
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
Yummy Yummy Yummy in My Tummy
I must admit that I am having fun researching different recipes for dinner each night... It is actually pretty easy to find some really good recipes that are okay for those living with PCOS. Tonight I took a couple of recipes and put them together.... What did I have?
Pork Loin chops (boneless) cooked in chicken broth and sprinkled with cinnamon and chives.
For the sides I crushed up some garlic and chopped up some Broccoli and cooked it in the oven at 450 degrees for 20 minutes, then I put shaved Parmesan cheese over the top...so good! Finally I cubed up some yams and sliced up an apple and put it in a pot with a little bit of butter, cinnamon, brown sugar, honey and lemon juice.
It turned out really nummy, even Matt ate it! :)
This week has been going well, teaching has been fun, since I've been at my favorite school so far this week :) Tomorrow is a day off to take my mom to the doctor's and do some running around.
Thursday (my birthday) I will be at another school and Friday will return to the school I was at today and yesterday. So many people keep saying, "you're here again?" sometimes I just feel like saying back to them, "well if I got a job, you wouldn't see me so much... or how about hiring me here and then it'd be normal that I was here all the time." Oh well, I am being patient... Partly because I know I am getting a lot of sub jobs... I got called for 4 more today! They won't be until May, but someone is thinking about me...and that means a lot.
I finally got my birthday happenings figured out... Matt is taking me to this Japanese Steakhouse he heard a lot about from his coworker... so that should be interesting. It's one of those places where they cook the food right there in front of you, but it's cheaper than Bene Hanna's :) Then we are going to go listen to some music :)
That's all for now...
Pork Loin chops (boneless) cooked in chicken broth and sprinkled with cinnamon and chives.
For the sides I crushed up some garlic and chopped up some Broccoli and cooked it in the oven at 450 degrees for 20 minutes, then I put shaved Parmesan cheese over the top...so good! Finally I cubed up some yams and sliced up an apple and put it in a pot with a little bit of butter, cinnamon, brown sugar, honey and lemon juice.
It turned out really nummy, even Matt ate it! :)
This week has been going well, teaching has been fun, since I've been at my favorite school so far this week :) Tomorrow is a day off to take my mom to the doctor's and do some running around.
Thursday (my birthday) I will be at another school and Friday will return to the school I was at today and yesterday. So many people keep saying, "you're here again?" sometimes I just feel like saying back to them, "well if I got a job, you wouldn't see me so much... or how about hiring me here and then it'd be normal that I was here all the time." Oh well, I am being patient... Partly because I know I am getting a lot of sub jobs... I got called for 4 more today! They won't be until May, but someone is thinking about me...and that means a lot.
I finally got my birthday happenings figured out... Matt is taking me to this Japanese Steakhouse he heard a lot about from his coworker... so that should be interesting. It's one of those places where they cook the food right there in front of you, but it's cheaper than Bene Hanna's :) Then we are going to go listen to some music :)
That's all for now...
Saturday, March 19, 2011
2 viewers away from 1000 blog views!
I can't believe 998 people have looked at my blog! :) It's kinda cool :)
Ok, so a lot has been going on lately...I'm still trying to get over the stinking cold...although I do a lot better in the afternoons compared the mornings... Mornings are still a little rough...
But I woke up today feeling a little better and decided that I was feeling well enough to attend a tree planting volunteer activity... It was an event I worked on for awhile to get teens and families from our church to go and do...and well we didn't think we were going to have any, and there wound up being 9 of us! One family we hadn't met before, and they were just awesome! The mom had a lot of energy...and she named all of her boys after angles in the bible (Michael, Gabriel and Raphael) I hope she is able to come back in a couple of years and help us out with youth ministry... she and her hubby used to be youth leaders at different parishes in Boston when they were younger. Then another kid came, a junior and we had never met/seen him before! His mom wound up grabbing a bulletin last weekend and saw that we were offering this activity (and chance for community service hours) and he signed up! I really hope he comes back and joins us for a life night because he would be a great edition to the group of teens we already have! Super nice guy. But the best surprise came when we arrived at the park and met up with the group organizing this event... One of the other groups that were there was from our old parish and we did youth ministry at! I got to see some of my old youth group leaders/friends and it was great to run into them... So it was kinda like my "old" life collided with my "new" life... and it was kinda cool b/c it was the best of both worlds. I wouldn't be who I am today and with the activities I do with the youth if it weren't for being a part of my old parish's youth group programs...So I was a happy Beth :)
*** OK TMI TIME****** IF YOU DON'T WANT TO KNOW OVERSHARE BODILY STUFF...THEN SKIP ON DOWN TILL YOU SEE BLACK TYPE AGAIN************
As far as my fertility stuff has been going... my body is just being weird again! My CM has been very wet lately (past two days), but never quite goes into the fertile stretchy kind...my Basal temps have been steadily rising, but still not in the 97 degree range...all 96...but they are hovering between 96.2 and 96.82...I'm at a crossroads as to what to do... I haven't had my period since late January...and I have some progesterone pills to take that will make me have a period...but if I "happen" to be pregnant through some miraculous fluke...I don't want to do anything to harm that...trying to get pregnant is so confusing!
I've been hearing a lot about this stuff called Preseed as well...it's a lubricant that is supposed to help the sperm travel up... has anyone used it? Had success with it?
I can't go back and see my OBGYN until I pay my bill there...which unfortunately I can't do for awhile...well maybe by the end of this month? I dunno...it's so frustrating! They actually sent me a letter telling me I couldn't receive any more treatment from them until then...which is fair...I had even stopped going way before then anyways... but I also don't think it's fair with what they bill me either... Like when the normal doctor isn't there, so the fill in doctor has to do the ultrasound and she can't even find my ovaries! Then hurts me so badly I can barely sit/stand/walk for two days... and then tells me to come back in two days when my doctor gets back... Yet the office charges me again b/c of the fill in doctor's incompetence. I dunno...
******OK YOU ARE SAFE NOW*************
so this week was a little tougher following the PCOS diet stuff... I did the best I could, but it was Matt's birthday...I had to have some of his cake... Although I did pay for that (sorry if that is TMI) But I am pretty much back on track right now... I didn't even eat the after dinner mint from dinner last night! It's tough learning how to eat all over again...sigh...and it's even tougher to eat how you are supposed to when you don't have the proper food at home to do so...But I have to admit, the book : The Ultimate PCOS Handbook is an excellent resource to have. I am learning so much... PCOS affects so much, even things I didn't think of...it's been a great read so far.
Ok well that is it for now... I hope all are well!
Beth
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Happy Birthday Matt!
So I'm heading off to sleep...it's been a very long day complete with a house inspection done by the rental company, going to the grocery store, turning in my finger prints to the other district I just got hired by (and receiving my badge!) and then to the library and home for a quick nap while waiting for Mr BDay boy to come home... 10 min later family arrived! It was a very fun night and great time to spend with all...
Now I'm off to take a shower, and hit the sack before I turn into a pumpkin... I teach art all day tomorrow at an elementary school.... :)
Now I'm off to take a shower, and hit the sack before I turn into a pumpkin... I teach art all day tomorrow at an elementary school.... :)
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Happiness is.... making a difference to one of my students...
Today I subbed at the school I did all my student teaching in (the same as yesterday)... I was a little concerned about today going into it... I was not feeling 100% this morning (still am fighting a cold), and this class is particularly known for being a "tough" class... However, the story was much different! The class was completely awesome for me today! For the most part everyone followed the rules, everyone got their work done and I got to feeling a little bit better as the day went along... I am still not all the way better...but a lot better than I was this morning and certainly better than last night! Also one of the kiddos drew me a picture that said: "Mrs. Compton is the greatest Substitute EVER!!!" hehee I really gotta start a scrap book of all the pictures I get, then when I feel like I'm not important or making a difference, go and look at all the cute pictures kiddos have made for me over the years. It's totally a mood booster!
After I got home, I helped my mom with some stuff, took her to the grocery store and then made some nummy dinner... It took forever to cook this dinner...the recipe lied...it takes like 2 hours from prep to finish...but it was worth it, even Matt and my mom liked it... It's another recipe that is PCOS friendly...and part of my Lenten Sacrifice. (to stay away from sugar/stick to the PCOS diet) I even found a pizza recipe for tomorrow's dinner!
What is so important about tomorrow's dinner? Tomorrow is my hubby's 32nd birthday! And as explained before, his brother and my sister-in-law and their kiddos are coming over.... they're even spoiling us and bringing dinner and cake for Matt! Matt's favorite food in the whole wide world is pizza, and I was kinda bummed because I didn't think I was going to get to partake...but as it turns out, the grocery store carries wheat thin crust pizza (yay, no English Muffin pizza's) and I bought some low fat cheese, and sauce and I have pineapple and turkey sausage to go on it...
It is hard sometimes to keep in mind all the odds and ends about what I can and can't eat... I know that I need to stay away from sugary stuff and things like white rice, pasta and potatoes... and eat more whole wheat (which I've always done), fiber and fruits/veggies... At first I thought it was going to be really hard for me to stay away from all the sugary foods...because to be honest, I was eating something "sugary/sweet" a day...and I"m not talking like a donut or a huge piece of cake...but like two-three Oreo cookies... sadly, because of my PCOS and the fact that my body can't process sugar correctly (and it's killing my hypothalamus) even one or two Oreo cookies can do me in... This doesn't mean I haven't had anything sugary at all...but I'm keeping it in perspective... last Thursday I had an oatmeal rasin cookie...not a healthy thing, but I didn't go for the PB cookie or Chocolate chip cookie...(which is what I really wanted)... I'm quenching my need for sweet stuff by eating fruit yogurt... Chobani Greek Yogurt is so great! I used to think I hated Greek Yogurt, b/c all the ones I had tried just really sucked...but this stuff is actually pretty good... especially the peach, strawberry and Pineapple kind.
The great thing about not eating so much sugary stuff is that I am noticing more and more how good and sweet veggies and fruits are again! I never knew how having so much sugar could drown out the goodness of other naturally sweetened foods... The other night I was making mint brownies for the youth group and I was frosting them...no I normally don't like frosting, like at all...EXCEPT for the store bought frosting you find in a can in the cake asle at the store...I licked one finger and I literally said "YUCK"... it was way too sweet... and that before was "just right" before.... so yea, it's been interesting discovering foods and trying out new recipes.
Ok, tomorrow is our inspection...I have about 5 more hours of work left to do tonight... Matt is exhausted as well, he's been working over time the past two days and he's just completely out of gas...so am I... but things have to get done... then maybe I can have my nephew walk up and down my back tomorrow? :)
After I got home, I helped my mom with some stuff, took her to the grocery store and then made some nummy dinner... It took forever to cook this dinner...the recipe lied...it takes like 2 hours from prep to finish...but it was worth it, even Matt and my mom liked it... It's another recipe that is PCOS friendly...and part of my Lenten Sacrifice. (to stay away from sugar/stick to the PCOS diet) I even found a pizza recipe for tomorrow's dinner!
What is so important about tomorrow's dinner? Tomorrow is my hubby's 32nd birthday! And as explained before, his brother and my sister-in-law and their kiddos are coming over.... they're even spoiling us and bringing dinner and cake for Matt! Matt's favorite food in the whole wide world is pizza, and I was kinda bummed because I didn't think I was going to get to partake...but as it turns out, the grocery store carries wheat thin crust pizza (yay, no English Muffin pizza's) and I bought some low fat cheese, and sauce and I have pineapple and turkey sausage to go on it...
It is hard sometimes to keep in mind all the odds and ends about what I can and can't eat... I know that I need to stay away from sugary stuff and things like white rice, pasta and potatoes... and eat more whole wheat (which I've always done), fiber and fruits/veggies... At first I thought it was going to be really hard for me to stay away from all the sugary foods...because to be honest, I was eating something "sugary/sweet" a day...and I"m not talking like a donut or a huge piece of cake...but like two-three Oreo cookies... sadly, because of my PCOS and the fact that my body can't process sugar correctly (and it's killing my hypothalamus) even one or two Oreo cookies can do me in... This doesn't mean I haven't had anything sugary at all...but I'm keeping it in perspective... last Thursday I had an oatmeal rasin cookie...not a healthy thing, but I didn't go for the PB cookie or Chocolate chip cookie...(which is what I really wanted)... I'm quenching my need for sweet stuff by eating fruit yogurt... Chobani Greek Yogurt is so great! I used to think I hated Greek Yogurt, b/c all the ones I had tried just really sucked...but this stuff is actually pretty good... especially the peach, strawberry and Pineapple kind.
The great thing about not eating so much sugary stuff is that I am noticing more and more how good and sweet veggies and fruits are again! I never knew how having so much sugar could drown out the goodness of other naturally sweetened foods... The other night I was making mint brownies for the youth group and I was frosting them...no I normally don't like frosting, like at all...EXCEPT for the store bought frosting you find in a can in the cake asle at the store...I licked one finger and I literally said "YUCK"... it was way too sweet... and that before was "just right" before.... so yea, it's been interesting discovering foods and trying out new recipes.
Ok, tomorrow is our inspection...I have about 5 more hours of work left to do tonight... Matt is exhausted as well, he's been working over time the past two days and he's just completely out of gas...so am I... but things have to get done... then maybe I can have my nephew walk up and down my back tomorrow? :)
Monday, March 14, 2011
Longest Day EVER!
But... despite coming home to a bunch of cat puke on the floor.. .today went pretty well. My day started at 6:30am where I got up, got ready and headed out the door by 7:00am to head up north to a school district training that was 40 min away (I just recently got hired there to be a substitute teacher)... Spent first part of the morning 8-11 in the training... then got back in my car..rushed back down to the other district I usually sub in... grabbed a quick lunch and sat for the rest of the afternoon at school... why did I sit? Well I didn't really sit the whole time... but the teacher I was subbing for has a student teacher, and so she taught the class... I am just hired for "legal" reasons..which is nice...but can sometimes be boring. I spent my afternoon going through all the library bins in the classroom and made sure they were all sorted properly... then I found the Scholastic Book Order catalogs and put those together for her students... So I sorta kept busy. :)
But I also picked up another Sub job for a teacher at the same school tomorrow!
After work I had to get my finger printing done for my other school district...and I was so fortunate because I knew the employee there! We had gone to middle school/ high school together... it was great catching up with her, she even gave me the finger prints for free! I am so blessed! That was one less thing I had to worry about... I still have to pay the state for processing my finger prints (about $50!).
This past weekend I was spent with me being sick (don't worry though, I still went to the St. Patrick's Day dinner/dance for my parish)... I wasn't so bad on Saturday...but Sunday I felt so dizzy and clammy. I decided that it would be best if I stayed home from church and youth group that evening. Today I still felt a little crummy, but it's getting better.. Sudafed is my friend.
Wednesday is a big day... Our house is getting inspected by the rental company... one of the many reasons I will be SO glad when we own our own home...it's so disruptive having to stop everything and prep for an inspection every 6 months...it's also my hubby's 32nd birthday on Wednesday! I still haven't gotten him anything, but I think I will be giving him a choice of two different things...it just sucks right now b/c what I want to get him, we can't really afford, and I have to make smart choices too...I'm also excited for Wednesday because Matt's brother and my sister-in-law and their kiddos are coming over to celebrate Matt's bd...and I get to meet their new doggy! So I have some great things to look forward to, I just need to get past the inspection and clean the house first...
Okay Dokey... Gotta go help my mom with cleaning her area... make dinner and get Matt...then back to cleaning all while watching the bachelor...(yes I watch the Bachelor...what of it? I already know who he chooses)
But I also picked up another Sub job for a teacher at the same school tomorrow!
After work I had to get my finger printing done for my other school district...and I was so fortunate because I knew the employee there! We had gone to middle school/ high school together... it was great catching up with her, she even gave me the finger prints for free! I am so blessed! That was one less thing I had to worry about... I still have to pay the state for processing my finger prints (about $50!).
This past weekend I was spent with me being sick (don't worry though, I still went to the St. Patrick's Day dinner/dance for my parish)... I wasn't so bad on Saturday...but Sunday I felt so dizzy and clammy. I decided that it would be best if I stayed home from church and youth group that evening. Today I still felt a little crummy, but it's getting better.. Sudafed is my friend.
Wednesday is a big day... Our house is getting inspected by the rental company... one of the many reasons I will be SO glad when we own our own home...it's so disruptive having to stop everything and prep for an inspection every 6 months...it's also my hubby's 32nd birthday on Wednesday! I still haven't gotten him anything, but I think I will be giving him a choice of two different things...it just sucks right now b/c what I want to get him, we can't really afford, and I have to make smart choices too...I'm also excited for Wednesday because Matt's brother and my sister-in-law and their kiddos are coming over to celebrate Matt's bd...and I get to meet their new doggy! So I have some great things to look forward to, I just need to get past the inspection and clean the house first...
Okay Dokey... Gotta go help my mom with cleaning her area... make dinner and get Matt...then back to cleaning all while watching the bachelor...(yes I watch the Bachelor...what of it? I already know who he chooses)
Friday, March 11, 2011
Planning Meeting
Beth & I both attend mass at a very small parish in Woodinville. Ground breaking on the new building hasn't even happened yet, that's how small/new it is. Last night's meeting for Life Teen/Edge was another reminder about how excited I am to have a proper building in place.
No only was the Core team meeting, but so was choir, confirmation, social justice, RCIA and at least one other group. Life Teen ended up meeting in a very small room... It worked though. We have things planned for this Sunday's talk, which will be on St. Patrick. And we talked a little about a conference this summer at Gonzaga. Hope that goes smoothly. I think the teens could benefit from a large Catholic conference setting.
I'm thinking for my St. Patrick talk I will discuss how he brought Guiness and whiskey to the people along with a pot of gold... What? Is that really so wrong?
No only was the Core team meeting, but so was choir, confirmation, social justice, RCIA and at least one other group. Life Teen ended up meeting in a very small room... It worked though. We have things planned for this Sunday's talk, which will be on St. Patrick. And we talked a little about a conference this summer at Gonzaga. Hope that goes smoothly. I think the teens could benefit from a large Catholic conference setting.
I'm thinking for my St. Patrick talk I will discuss how he brought Guiness and whiskey to the people along with a pot of gold... What? Is that really so wrong?
Thursday, March 10, 2011
The Comfort of Fur Babies
No, I haven't given birth to Chewbacca or Big Foot... I'm going to bore you all to death by talking about my kitties! :)
I have two kitties, one is named Marble, the other is Twink... Now Marble is a very loyal, territorial and loving kitty... she could lay in your lap forever if you'd let her...and if I'd let her, she would lick my face non-stop. My other kitty, Twink is a very unique cat; I think anyways. :) He has such a cute personality... he's very entertaining and very laid back..I wouldn't describe Twink as a loving/lap cat... there are times where he will come up and greet you and rub against you...unless he needs/wants food...then he will be lovely until you get food... Both are pack animals, they follow me or Matt wherever we seem to be, and freak out whenever they are shut out of a room where we are at. LOL
So why am I writing this entry on them? Well it's more about Twink... I have been feeling really sick all day... I spent most of the day in bed... I got up, started my day and started to develop a migraine headache...by noon, I was back in bed...I was nauseous, dizzy and the pressure in my head just down right sucked...So I laid down, Marble was already on the bed, curled up...but she made room for me and promptly curled up tightly next to me again. Then, just as I was about to fall asleep Twink jumps up and was all lovely. He came and butted his head against mine (gently though), purred loudly, flopped over and used my arm as his pillow and would get up and rub himself on me...he couldn't get enough of my petting...Then he got up, and I thought he was going to leave... nope, he burrowed underneath the covers with me, and snuggled up right next to me, used the inside of my elbow to lay his hand on, and kept purring loudly! He laid like that and fell asleep, purring and he would twitch with his dreams... it was so cool b/c I normally don't get those opportunities with Twink...I think he helped me feel better, and he knew I was sick... :)
I did feel better, and my headache was almost gone by the time I woke up at 3:45pm... I"m thankful for stormy afternoons with naps with my kitties. :)
Now I just need to get ready for the planning meeting tonight. :)
Later Taters!
I have two kitties, one is named Marble, the other is Twink... Now Marble is a very loyal, territorial and loving kitty... she could lay in your lap forever if you'd let her...and if I'd let her, she would lick my face non-stop. My other kitty, Twink is a very unique cat; I think anyways. :) He has such a cute personality... he's very entertaining and very laid back..I wouldn't describe Twink as a loving/lap cat... there are times where he will come up and greet you and rub against you...unless he needs/wants food...then he will be lovely until you get food... Both are pack animals, they follow me or Matt wherever we seem to be, and freak out whenever they are shut out of a room where we are at. LOL
So why am I writing this entry on them? Well it's more about Twink... I have been feeling really sick all day... I spent most of the day in bed... I got up, started my day and started to develop a migraine headache...by noon, I was back in bed...I was nauseous, dizzy and the pressure in my head just down right sucked...So I laid down, Marble was already on the bed, curled up...but she made room for me and promptly curled up tightly next to me again. Then, just as I was about to fall asleep Twink jumps up and was all lovely. He came and butted his head against mine (gently though), purred loudly, flopped over and used my arm as his pillow and would get up and rub himself on me...he couldn't get enough of my petting...Then he got up, and I thought he was going to leave... nope, he burrowed underneath the covers with me, and snuggled up right next to me, used the inside of my elbow to lay his hand on, and kept purring loudly! He laid like that and fell asleep, purring and he would twitch with his dreams... it was so cool b/c I normally don't get those opportunities with Twink...I think he helped me feel better, and he knew I was sick... :)
I did feel better, and my headache was almost gone by the time I woke up at 3:45pm... I"m thankful for stormy afternoons with naps with my kitties. :)
Now I just need to get ready for the planning meeting tonight. :)
Later Taters!
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
And So it Begins...
Today is the start of Lent... Happy Ash Wednesday Everyone! right now I am starving... in case you didn't know on Ash Wednesday you either fast, or eat 3 small meals and refrain from snacking in between or eat two small meals and one large one... I am going for the eat as little as possible route... LOL I'm trying to offer it up!
I only ate once today, at lunch... I had a Yves Soy Bologna (which is surprisingly VERY good and I couldn't tell the difference) sandwich and some celery sticks with PB on them... The bread was whole wheat and the sandwich had low-fat cheese on it as well as some lettuce... and mustard and little bit of mayo... All of which are okay for the PCOS diet plan... so far, so good... it's the rest of the week that will be challenging...
I'm about to go pick Matt up so we can go to Ash Wed. services and then eat dinner! (do you see where my thoughts are right now?)
I spent the day helping a friend revise and edit his paper for an English Final... I miss being in school... and editing is actually kind of fun... it just takes forever... before I knew it, my day was practically over with! Where does the time go?!
I hope all are doing well!
I only ate once today, at lunch... I had a Yves Soy Bologna (which is surprisingly VERY good and I couldn't tell the difference) sandwich and some celery sticks with PB on them... The bread was whole wheat and the sandwich had low-fat cheese on it as well as some lettuce... and mustard and little bit of mayo... All of which are okay for the PCOS diet plan... so far, so good... it's the rest of the week that will be challenging...
I'm about to go pick Matt up so we can go to Ash Wed. services and then eat dinner! (do you see where my thoughts are right now?)
I spent the day helping a friend revise and edit his paper for an English Final... I miss being in school... and editing is actually kind of fun... it just takes forever... before I knew it, my day was practically over with! Where does the time go?!
I hope all are doing well!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Finally feeling a little more normal?
This past weekend was amazing! The retreat Matt and I helped to lead was awesome! I think all the teens in the Confirmation group had a great time as well! Which was great, is I too, and Matt I believe felt a retreat "high" after it was over... It's inspired me to really dive deep into this season of Lent. It took me awhile to figure out what I wanted to do for Lent... For awhile I thought that I would give up eating meat for Lent...but then I realized that we are going to a St. Patrick's Day Dance on Saturday and I already ordered the Corned Beef... plus... not being able to eat Corned Beef and Cabbage on St. Pat's day... (yes, I know it's a feast day, therefore it "frees" me from my Lenten obligation...but I still wouldn't eat it) is so sad to me... Maybe next year... So...what I'm going to do, since there are 40 days (plus the Sundays) of Lent, I am going to follow the PCOS diet... this will not only help our chances in conceiving, but hopefully the way of eating will become a habit...and eventually spill into our every day eating...also having Matt benefit from the meals as well. I am going to head to the library tomorrow to check out some books...but in the mean time I've been reading this awesome blog I came across... http://divapcos.wordpress.com/ So far I like her meals, and I appreciate the things she has to say on her blog... Maybe some day I will be as cool as her! LOL
****TMI SECTION COMING UP... JUST WARNING YA****
So now I am on day 50 of my cycle... I haven't had a period since I was in Chicago visiting my friend... I haven't been able to afford my meds or go to the doctor right now... Plus, they won't see me right now b/c I owe them some money... I've been having cramps, and according to fertility friend I ovulated last Thursday...however my temperature still fluctuates a bunch. I had a huge pain in my lower right ovary the other day... the kind where you can't move or else it tweaks it... this lasted for about 5 minutes...but seemed longer b/c I could only lay/sit in one position on the couch...If I tried to move, I would cry out in pain. NOT FUN... I'm hoping that when I follow the PCOS diet that I will feel more energized and will see a difference. I also need to start exercising more...aka I need to walk. I really wish I had a friend who would consistently walk with me... I used to go on walks with one of my friends once a week, but then she moved far away... :/
It's so frustrating... Society would say "you should be responsible and pay off your bills/buy a house/get a perm. job first before getting pregnant"...and yes part of me is terrified if we can afford a child and all of that, but I believe that God will see us through... One of the reasons we did stop going to the doctor right now was because we are trying to buy a house.. .once I can pay off my one credit card, we can get our financing back and do that... It's like that commercial that is on the radio that goes something like this: "Part of you is worried about your job, But all of you wants a baby.... Part of you is worried about your mortgage payments, but All of you wants a baby...." I just feel so responsible for why we don't have the things we want... I have been working a lot lately, which has been great and Matt was even able to make bonus last month! Hopefully my mom will be able to start working soon...
Some great news though! My friend Annie and her husband Tony had their baby girl today! They are going to be such wonderful parents! I am so happy for them! Congrats and welcome to the world baby Monica!
Hope everyone is doing swell.
****TMI SECTION COMING UP... JUST WARNING YA****
So now I am on day 50 of my cycle... I haven't had a period since I was in Chicago visiting my friend... I haven't been able to afford my meds or go to the doctor right now... Plus, they won't see me right now b/c I owe them some money... I've been having cramps, and according to fertility friend I ovulated last Thursday...however my temperature still fluctuates a bunch. I had a huge pain in my lower right ovary the other day... the kind where you can't move or else it tweaks it... this lasted for about 5 minutes...but seemed longer b/c I could only lay/sit in one position on the couch...If I tried to move, I would cry out in pain. NOT FUN... I'm hoping that when I follow the PCOS diet that I will feel more energized and will see a difference. I also need to start exercising more...aka I need to walk. I really wish I had a friend who would consistently walk with me... I used to go on walks with one of my friends once a week, but then she moved far away... :/
It's so frustrating... Society would say "you should be responsible and pay off your bills/buy a house/get a perm. job first before getting pregnant"...and yes part of me is terrified if we can afford a child and all of that, but I believe that God will see us through... One of the reasons we did stop going to the doctor right now was because we are trying to buy a house.. .once I can pay off my one credit card, we can get our financing back and do that... It's like that commercial that is on the radio that goes something like this: "Part of you is worried about your job, But all of you wants a baby.... Part of you is worried about your mortgage payments, but All of you wants a baby...." I just feel so responsible for why we don't have the things we want... I have been working a lot lately, which has been great and Matt was even able to make bonus last month! Hopefully my mom will be able to start working soon...
Some great news though! My friend Annie and her husband Tony had their baby girl today! They are going to be such wonderful parents! I am so happy for them! Congrats and welcome to the world baby Monica!
Hope everyone is doing swell.
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