Good Day

This week was a very hectic week...There has been drama at work...but I think it has been resolved...which is good. My boss is really good and understanding and I really am enjoying my camp job :) I just wish it could last all year! heehee And despite being frustrated by coworkers at time, they are all very nice people and I hope to keep in touch with them afterwards.

So I had a blood draw last Monday to check for progesterone levels...came back the next day as no change...which means I haven't ovulated yet...so frustrating b/c Matt gave me the dang shot the Tuesday before, and it was supposed to make me ovulate 30-36 hrs after... I keep trying to remind myself that even though meds are involved...it is God's will, not ours... the want is great, but only He knows when the right time is. And I try to be patient...I just can't wait to meet our lil one some day... to hold them... I suppose being around my new nieces has made my wants a lot stronger as of late...they are so tiny, so precious...and I very much enjoy being around them. On the other hand, going through all the tests, and trying for a baby has made Matt and I a lot closer...This isn't to say that we weren't close before, but there is just something more there...we have been really been spending a lot of time together and laughing and riding life's highs and lows... I even got him to go clothes shopping for himself today! :) The whole way there we were talking and laughing and I teased him about some things that happened when we were first dating...and I felt like we were back at that point in our relationship...where the relationship was new and we were just carefree and giddy. :) I'm excited to be on this journey and can't wait to see where it leads. I just wish my innards would stop being weird and work correctly... I get to go back on Monday for another blood draw... "yay"... lets see how big of a bruise I can get this next time.

On another note, this week wasn't without frustrations... On Thursday night our window to the passenger side wouldn't roll up, so I saran-wrapped it :) Poor Matt had to take it like that to work...but luckily he was able to get the part from O'Riley's and he and my dad put it in...

Today is my gma's birthday and we took her out to pizza lunch :) Good times were had by all. Then, when we got home we thought my mom's fridge quit working, but its fuse just blew...so we fixed it, and now all is right with the world :)

Ok, I'm headin' to bed now... oh! I finished a great book today.. Memoirs of a Geisha...awesome read! I know, I'm all over the place...blame it on lack of sleep. :)

Campers say the Darndest Things...

I am really loving camp this summer. It is the first time since summer of... 2002? or was it 2003? that I have truly loved every moment of this camp job...mainly b/c it isn't the camp I worked for last year... :)

I thought I would share with you some of the funny things the kiddos have been saying...

Upon getting into the van one camper announces, "guess what? I found out I'm related to Black Bear the pirate...he was my great great great.... well like 5th great grandpa."

Me: "Oh that's interesting, how did you find this out?

Boy: " The fam and I were talking about history...oh and I found out I have lots of cousins b/c he went to 13 islands and every island he went to, he married someone.

Me: "That doesn't sound very nice.

Boy: "It was okay back then b/c they didn't have any internet or phones to check up on if you were married or not.

Girl in the back: "Is this why grownups say they have an 'ex-wife or ex husband'? It stands for Extra?

Boy: "Yea, grownups have a strange way of shortening words so yes, ex-wife would mean he had extra wives.

Girl: "OHHH so he had a lot of ex-wives!"

Next story:

Boy: (upon watching another camper play his DS) "Oh I really wish I had a DS, but my parents say I can't have one.... Hey, Matthew, how did you get yours?

Matthew: "Oh, Santa brought it to me."

Boy: "Yea I forgot to put one of my list for last year...but I'm not going to forget this year.... (silent for a beat) Hey Matthew, did you know that some people say that Santa isn't real! They say it's just your parents and stuff...but I don't believe them...do you?

Matthew: "NO, I totally believe in Santa... I mean when you go and get your picture with him every year, your parents are standing right there with you...so DUH he's real...

Boy: "Yea, that's what I think too. But I suppose they could have elves dressed up as Santa's around the world to take pictures, but they're still his ambassadors."

Ok, so I have to set this next one up a bit... This next boy thinks that he is the coolest thing to walk the earth...his clothing is all name brand, not a hair is out of place...he flat out told me he was at camp for the ladies...and he's 13! So I was looking at my cell phone...and he got really excited and we started talking about cell phones... here is the conversation that followed:

Cool Boy: "I really really want the phone my friend has."

Me: "Oh yea, what phone would that be?"

Cool Boy: "The Erection"

Me: (trying not to spit out the water I had just swallowed) "The what? You mean Sony Erickson?"

Cool Boy: "No, the Erection...or at least that's what my friend called it..."

Me: "Um, hun I had to break it to you, but there is no such thing as the Erection...only Erickson...

Cool Boy: "Really? I thought it was called the Erection b/c it was a flip phone and it could stand erect...

Me: "Erection is something totally different my friend..."

There was something else that happened the other day too...but I can't remember... hope you enjoyed the 3 that have stuck with me so far for the summer. :)

Goings on

I am feeling much better today. I read up on the Hcg shot and apparently every 28 hrs the side effects get cut in half..so I was a lot more awake today :)

Today was the last day for one of my campers I'd had all summer so far...her family is so sweet... I got surprised with flowers and candy :) And they want me to possibly watch her when the mom/dad go out on dates...so yay! I love it when I get surprised with the little things :)

Tomorrow I get my hair done :) I need to crash though, it is late :)

A lesson in patience

One of the reasons Matt and I have decided to start this blog is to not only share family news with people, but also to help those that may find themselves in the same situation that we are in.

Consider this your warning... in this post I will be discussing our journey in trying to conceive a baby...some parts are TMI (too much info for those that don't understand)...you have been warned :) oh, and it will be a long post.

Most of you may know that for most of my life I have suffered from PCOS (Poly-cystic Ovary Syndrome). You can click on the link to find more out about it. But basically it affects a bunch of different things in a woman from excess facial hair, hair loss, weight gain (that is hard to lose), it also interferes with a woman's monthly cycle and ultimately their ability to conceive.

Ever since I was a teenager I knew that things weren't quite right, and I remember talking to my doctor at the age of 16 about some of the symptoms I had been experiencing...the doctor at the time told me it was b/c I was only 16 and my cycle was still "working itself out"...it wasn't until I was almost 22 years old that finally doctors began to listen to me. PCOS has been around for awhile, but it hasn't received as much attention as it has in the past 8-10 years. It was actually one of my best friends that read about PCOS in a magazine article and copied it for me to read, and that is when I made an appointment with my doctor. The article did scare me because one of the things it said in there was that I may never be able to have kids on my own.

I remember when Matt and I were going out, that telling him about that was one of the most scariest things I had ever done. I know that there is adoption and that is something I am very open to (Matt as well)...but some guys are "weird" about having their own offspring and what not and I was scared that he would view me as "broken" and not want to be with me. Thankfully that was not the case :) (love you honey!) and he has been nothing but supportive and understanding through out our ride thus far.

Rewind to last July... I had been feeling icky and for the "heck of it" took a pregnancy test. Matt and I were both pleasantly shocked and excited when we saw that the test came back positive. I was doubly so because at my annual only 3 months before I was told that I could get pregnant, but only after taking some drugs to help us. I felt scared, and excited and confused and blessed! God had given us this beautiful gift but at the same time I was cautious because I had just graduated with my masters...but this gift was here and it was God's will that he/she would make a home inside of me.

I was amazed at how quickly I no longer felt like I was in my body, but that my body was for my baby alone...a safe harbor, growing machine extraordinare :) Even though the life inside of me was only 5 weeks along by the time I knew I was pregnant, I could feel the bubble it had created in my uterus. Even though I was nervous and scared, I prayed to God to help me be a good mother, and have everything work out. Looking back I realize how concerned I was about what everyone thought of me being pregnant...and I let that interfere a lot with the gift that was growing inside of me...mostly because a very important person in my life was disappointed in hearing that I was pregnant.

Never the less I began to feel confident in this gift, and so happy... God had given us this baby to show us that I could get pregnant without extra medications or anything. I was told I didn't ovulate (in fact, not to divulge too much...but I don't even get periods without taking progesterone for 10 days every month)....and it made this baby even more of a miracle child.

In Early August I began having a lot of pains...sharp ones and some spotting. I talked with my dr...and they still refused to see me saying it was normal...and I had to wait until end of Aug. to see the OB. The night before I miscarried I remember not being able to fall asleep b/c I felt so uncomfortable... and scared about everything...about my life and what it all meant about having a baby and if I was ready or if I was going to be a good mother. I remember praying to God and asking him to calm my fears and to stop having me focus so much on the disapproval of this one person in my life. And even though Matt was there and I had support from most of my family/friends that I still felt so alone. I remember getting a big pain, and I scrunched up into the fetal position in bed...and out of the blue Matt woke up, and reached over and touched my arm and said, "You trust me don't you? You know that everything will be okay and I will be here with you every step of the way." I told him I knew that and thank you... and then he quickly fell back to sleep... I began to cry silently b/c it was as if God had answered me through Matt and I felt the most unbelievable calm go through my body at that moment and I was able to sleep.

The next day I miscarried...and it was a horrible experience. I was 8 weeks into my pregnancy...just 5 weeks shy of being out of the "danger zone" and into 2nd trimester. But as painful as it was (physically and emotionally) it didn't get to me as much at that time b/c of what had transpired the night before. I knew God had/has a plan... maybe sending us our little angle was to show us that we could conceive, and that I wasn't "broken"...that it wasn't our time yet and to be patient. I wasn't angry at God, and I still am not...I know that it is something that happens.

Most of the family was wonderful at the time, and rallied around us to comfort us. Poor Matt had a really tough time with it...he is so ready to be a dad...and he will be a great one! The miscarriage didn't really affect me until the week that the baby would have been due. This last April I was in a foul mood and depressed and I didn't understand why...then I counted back and realized that it was because if I had carried the baby to full term, the due date would have been on/around the 15th of April. It wasn't until that day that I truly dealt with the miscarriage...and my wonderful sister in law came and hung out with me and helped me through that day. I don't know what I would've done if she hadn't of come over. But I still look upon our angel baby as a gift from God...and I have been able to move on and become a healthier person inside and really take the steps necessary to try for a baby again.

So, since May of this year I have been meeting with a different OB (Dr. Evans) to help sort everything out. I was pleasantly surprised by how helpful and responsive Dr. Evans has been towards/with me. Right away she sympathized with me and prescribed some medicines that I could take that would help my metabolism get back on track (aka help me lose weight), and progesterone to have a period. After all of this, I had to take another medicine on days 3-7 of my period to help set up ovulation... This past Monday I had to go in for an ultra sound to see if any eggs had matured in my ovaries. She told me that there were a couple that looked good, she also commented on how healthy everything looked (yay!)....then she told me that the next day I would need to give myself a shot (in this case I had Matt do it)...of HCG hormone...also referred to as a "trigger" shot b/c it makes the ovaries release the eggs.....yes, eggs... there is a possibility that if we are to conceive with this treatment that we could have multiple births (no, don't worry...it won't be Octomom or Kate + 8 style....only twins at the most). This is because the trigger can tell both ovaries to release eggs.

Matt administered the shot on Tuesday (the day my twin nieces were born! :) ) and immediately I felt the side effects of it...but it's all worth it if we can have a kiddo in the end. Since then I have been drained of energy...this is partly because Hcg is the "pregnancy" hormone and therefore will give me the side effects one feels when they are in their first trimester... but the side effects have and will start to diminish (half ever 28 hrs) until nothing.

The next step is to begin taking Progesterone on Monday in hopes that we have conceived and that the progesterone supplement will help carry the pregnancy until the placenta is formed and will take over... I know so technical! My OB thinks that one of the reasons I miscarried last year was b/c I am progesterone deficient and therefore my body didn't produce enough in order to sustain the pregnancy before the placenta could even get formed.

So now, we are waiting, and praying and hoping... I will post more about this later :)

Until then, I hope everyone is doing well...thanks for reading...I know it was a long post! Don't worry, not all of the posts will be like this :)