Saturday

I could not, no matter what, get to sleep last night...It must have something to do with that grande mocha I got at about 7pm yesterday evening... hrmm I remember when I could drink caffeine and it wouldn't do anything to me... have I really entered that point in my life where Caffeine now effects me? sigh...

One funny side note is that I was able to have conversations with my husband last night...where at first I thought he was totally awake, but then he would stop talking to me in mid-word and start snoring... and then a few minutes later say something else... it was quite hilarious! If only I had a voice recorder.

Even thought I slept in, I couldn't help but feel like a Mac truck had run me over...and I've been a little "off" all day. The weather definitely inspired thoughts of taking naps or curling up with a good book. But I was able to stay sufficiently busy all day. Matt's mom is here visiting for the weekend. It's always nice to have her over, she is truly a very warm and loving person. We spent most of the day watching movies and taking a short (although not short enough for Matt) trip to the grocery store and Block Busters. We watched The Back Up Plan and Julie and Julia...

My hormones are still doing weird things... I don't know if I'm just more aware of changes in my body or if I'm just making things up...but ever since we've been trying to get pregnant, I've become more aware...of every little thing. I've had hot flashes all day...even though Matt doesn't believe me...b/c of course, women only get hot flashes when they are going through menopause... au contraire my husband... it is a side effect to the meds I had been taking... so there! Plllttth

I still can't shake the feeling that I just want to cry... I just feel sad... not for any reason, not because I'm angry, or upset...I just need to cry. I hate feeling that way. I wanted to cry all evening, and when I try to fight it, I wind up looking like I'm sulking to everyone else...and people want to know what is wrong and then that makes me think of all the things that are wrong or things I wish I could change....and then I really want to cry. I'm not even pregnant yet and I'm feeling this way... I heard it gets worse! Poor Matt, he has a lot of fun to look forward to.

Anyways, tomorrow is my parish's pic-nic... time for some much needed sleep.

Till next time...